Thursday, February 6, 2014

Lose Something Important? Like Your Mind?

So this is a little post about the sheer insanity one experiences when you lose something important. Like when you are already late for work or an appointment and you can't find your car keys. That is one kind of crazy, but then there is the kind of losing something that makes you feel like you have really lost your damn mind. Recently, I took my dental night guard with me back to the dentist to have them make sure it was ok, the appointment was quick and then I went home. I put it in my purse and when I got home that night, I went to the bathroom and opened the case and it was GONE. Disappered. Sucked into an alternate dimension. Then I proceeded to freak out. That was back in January. The guard cost me $250. The next few weeks, my husband and I turned the house upside down and inside out trying to find out. I do have a 2 year old and there is a chance she opened the case and "hid" it somewhere. But I literally (Chris parks and rec) went through EVERY DAMN drawer, crack, crevice, cupboard, toy box, closet or other container type thing in my home. I searched the car, pulling out old McDonald french fries. So it is gone. Still gone. My wonderfual and amazing dentist said that she would make me a new one and not charge me or my insurance which was so gracious, kind and I am trying to pay it forward everyday in any way I can especially in participating in 28 days of kindness. (see previous post) I have also recently lost a glove. I got a new pair of nice isotoner gloves for myself at Christmas time. So in my daily travels I have lost just one. I ordered another pair but they were one size fits all, which for me means too small. I have freakishly long fingers. Not man hands, I have fairly small feminine hands with frog-like, octopus tentacles jutting out of them. So now I have the one still that fits, one glove....that sucks. Its like all the half pair of socks that are lost. The most frustrating part is that this would make sense if I was a careless person, who loses things all the time. I am not one of those people. I am constantly checking for this and for that, do I have my work badge, my cell phone. I have to be responsible and accountable for little things.  So it makes me want to pull all of my hair out and scream to the heavens above when something just disappears from my life. Completely vanishes. It is simply unacceptable.

The other major losses that my husband and I have suffered are those little, slippery suckers known as the Ipod Nanos. I think the high powered executives sat around their board room tables and up on the white board it said, MUST BE SMALLER, AND SLIPPRIER AND EASIER TO LOSE!! This  they knew would be a never-ending money machine because of course we are going to go right out and buy another Ipod because we have already spent a fortune building our Itunes library and we want that music to travel with us, therefore shelling out more and more money to replace all tiny, shiny, slippery ipods sucked into the same alternate dimension. BIG SIGH.


Saturday, February 1, 2014

I'm Bringing Funny back!

I am like Justin Timberlake...ok not really at all but I'm Bringing FUNNY back.... I hope you've missed my funny stories about my crazy life. I want to talk a little bit today about the snow. We are lucky hear in Maryland, we normally don't get too much. But its the salt on the roads and the never ending pot holes that are annoying the crap out of me lately. One road I drive on is so riddled with  potholes, I look like I am driving on an obstacle course trying to avoid them. And that is just the ones I can avoid, there are 20 more I hit on the way. So frustrating! Then while I am driving the other morning there was so much salt on my windshield, I had to use my windshield wiper fluid to combat it, of course. Well it was soooo cold (only about 5 freaking degrees) that when I go to use the fluid it freezes on the windshield!! Now I can't see cause of the salt AND all the ice! Help!! Another little tricky addition has been the blinding sunlight. The sun has been so blinding that people are freaking out and drifting into oncoming traffic. The oncoming traffic happened to be this little lady right here!

So I knew that for the month of February, 28 days of kindness would be approching so I was holding the door for people at work but then they would get closer and closer and be like nope going this way! And I am like OH! Ok! So silly, then an attempted act of kindness becomes an embarrassing and awkward weird situation. So funny.

So I usually have these idealistic thoughts about going out with my daughter and having these perfect times with us running and laughing like fools having so much fun. The other day, I took her out to go for a short walk and all she wanted to do was stomp around in the little bit of snow we had left. So then we went back inside and got her snow boots on, then I had the brilliant idea that we should get the soccer ball I got her for Christmas and take it to the field to kick around. So we went and as soon as we got there we were submerged in a field of nothing but mud and goose poop. Yeah, that is what I said. Geese love to congregate over at the school we live next to in the field. I am not sure why they love it so much but that is their hangout, its where they have family gatherings and important business meetings. When I say goose poop every where I mean EVERY Where!! But the great part is that my girl is definitely going to be a soccer star. She can dribble that ball so well, its amazing. Future Mia Hamm, Hope Solo??

Friday, January 31, 2014


Hey lovies! I haven't written in so long! I have missed this outlet, but i needed to take a step back and regroup. I hope I can provide some funny stories of the adventures I have had. So to catch you up to speed, my beautiful and sweet daughter is now 2 years old! I can't believe it. She is so smart and kind and very funny. She constantly tries to make her father and I laugh. Here is a recent photo of her in the snow in her new snowsuit.

Hope everyone has been well. I am trying to make it through the last few weeks of winter. I wish I could press fast forward to Spring. Wouldn't that be great?

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Funniest Songs Ever

I realize that my last post was waaay too sad and waaay too serious. So in keeping with "my highest joy" I will write a funny post or at least about some very funny songs

If you haven't heard one of these songs, then pretty please look it up, I won't be posting links to them but there is the magic of Youtube now so enjoy! It should be a top 10 list but I only came up with 9, deal with it!

9) "Rock Lobster" - B52s, very fun summer song. I love the imagination and silliness that went into writing this song. My favorite part is "everyone had matching towels!"

8) "Another One Rides the Bus" - Weird Al Yankovic - this man is so funny and this song always makes me crack up, it is freaking hilarious, I would love to make a music video for this song cause its comedic GOLD!!

7) "You Say He is Just a Friend" - Biz Markie. Everyone loves Biz, and nobody beats him! hee hee. This song is so funny cause there are parts that just seem so off the way and bizarre and don't rhyme or even try to like the part when it goes, "Excuse me, could you tell me where is door 3?"

6) "Do you hear me" - by 80s band "Missing Persons"- it just sounds so funny when they say Doo you Hear ME?"

5) "Fish Heads" - Barnes and Barnes - my sister and I caught this very strange song on MTV when we were kids and would laugh and laugh, "fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads, fish heads, fish heads eat them up YUM! "You can take them to the movies they don't talk!" - I mean what? funny AND weird..

4) "You Better You Bet" - The Who, I just love it when it says, "When I say I love you, you say, YOU BETTAAA!"

3) "My piece of Sh*t Car" - Adam Sandler - this is a very silly song and something we can all relate to, an old car we had to drive when we were younger that was barely held together and everything about it was wrong

2) "Then I got high" - Afroman - this song is just so funny and sums up the wacky, immobilization of getting high

1) "My Puss" - Margaret Cho - this song is fabulous, hilarious and I love everything about it. Margaret Cho you rock my world!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Prayers for change

I haven't been posting lately. I have had way too much going on. I don't know if I can honestly keep up with this blog or if I want to, but today I feel overwhelmed and I need to get my feelings out. I have posted on here about how anxious I am about the state of the world and how I need things to change, drastic change is what we need.
This week my friend Randy passed away from a rare form of cancer. He was 35. He has a 5 month old baby girl. If I was ripped away from my precious baby right now because of this insidious disease I would be so angry. Rage and anger aren't even strong enough words for how I would feel. My heart goes out to my close friend who was with this man for many years. He was her first love.
As I have mentioned before, Joe's best friend, Brian is battling leukemia. It is beyond brutal. There are no words to describe how sorry I am that he is suffering through this. He has a baby on the way.
I am scared and I am fed up. Recently he found out that his ex-wife's baby boy has numerous tumors all over his body. They found out that there was toxic waste barrels were buried where they live. There is a big lawsuit. Brian also lives in an area in Jersey that borders a cancer cluster. Another big law suit. I am just at my wit's end. I am emotionally exhausted from worrying about the future, what the world is like now and what will the future be like for my baby girl. It isn't about being negative and doom and gloom. People close to me are dying! Randy was 35! Brian is 37! These are young people, and now that little boy...
my friend was urging me to watch "Forks over knives" and to become a vegan. I think that is a great idea and I have been taking steps to eat better. But I think about the cover up about the cancer clusters from the factories and big corporations. The fucking cover up of those barrels with toxic waste that were buried where people were living. WHAT THE HELL are we going to do?? My soul is crying out for help and all I see are people rushing around to nowhere, taping away on their Iphones like zombies. I think about the Chemtrails. (not a freaking conspiracy theory) I think about how our food is poison. Monstano. The water isn't safe to drink, the air isn't safe to breathe, the food isn't safe to eat. What is safe? What is left?
I am so tired friends. So tired of it all and doing more and more research and uncovering just how sick and evil EVERYTHING is, EVERYTHING. Are we headed for oblivion or will it all CHANGE. Well let me tell you, my friends, EVERYTHING is going to have to change. Capitalism has to fall. We have to start treating eachother with love and respect. We have to heal our planet and ourselves. We are at the turning point. The time is now.

Friday, June 1, 2012

The Week In Review

Ok, So I am going to start a new Friday trend on my blog, or I will try to do this on Fridays. Now I am really too busy to post very often because I have a full time job and then my REAL full time job of being a Mommy to an infant.
There is so many, MANY disturbing, disgusting and horrifying things going on in the world and right here in my state of Maryland that I felt I needed to write about it and clear my head.

So here I am doing my usual obessing about the posion in our foods and drinks, the chemtrails posioning our sky and air and my daily battle with reckless and dangerous drivers on my awful commute to work. Then THIS WEEK happened in the world. I used to wonder what kind of world I would be bringing a child into, it seems to be getting scarier and more terrifying by the minute! It leaves me screaming AHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE F%#K are we going to do????????!!!!!!!!!!" in my head while trying to remain calm on the outside.

1) There was a VERY disturbing murder (zombie like) in Miami where a man apparently on some kind of "drug" was eating a man's face off and didn't respond when they were shooting him. Okkkkaaay, not sure how I am supposed to handle this information.

2) Then I get to work today and I find out there was a man in Maryland, my freaking state, who killed a man, cut him up and ate his heart and his brains. Again (zombie like). My friend and I like to joke about the beginning of the zombie apocalypse but how can we not? This is some freaky ass horror movie type stuff. Begin the more screaming in my head....

3) I am beyond sad, outraged and furious to learn that a 12 year old boy in NYC killed himself because he was being bullied. The article said that he was being ridiculed constantly because of his height (short) and his clothes and then they were taunting him with the death of his father. Really? Now kids are torturing eachother because they have lost a parent? What the hell is going on? Who are these evil children and their fucking evil parents who are raising them. Yeah i said it. These parents are allowing there kids to behave this way. Or they are neglecting their children so severely that the kids are just doing whatever they damn well please and no one gives a shit about anyone else.
I have had ENOUGH. I cried so hard when I watched the trailer for the movie, "Bully" where a young man, I think he was 11 years old also took his own life because he was being beaten up and bullied so badly. I will just be FORCED to home school my child if this is the way things go in schools today. Because I will be the one to attack a parent that does nothing as their child is cruel to my child. Once it reaches a point of violence then that child needs to be removed. I am SICK TO DEATH of what goes on in this country and the bullies GET AWAY with it and that is what needs to change. NOW.

4) The situation in Syria has been making me very worried, sad, disturbed. I have read about how there was torturing people in hospitals that were abandoned. Yesterday and today I read about the massacres of children. KILLING BABIES and CHILDREN and their mothers. As many of you know I struggle with the amount of suffering that goes on in the world, like how a child starves to death every 3.5 seconds and how there isn't enough safe drinking water for many people and most people and children die from disease and illnesses that are very treatable. Well if that isn't depressing and overwhelming enough for you, don't listen to the news cause we are opening fire and killing our children. Why?

As you may now know I am some what of a radical when it comes to these world issues. A radical like John Lennon, Ghandi, and Nelson Mandela. I want Peace. It IS absolutely possilbe, it is ABSOLUTELY acheiveable, but first we would have to love one another and stop being so insane, greedy, ego-centric, we have to give up the slavery ideas of money, power and domination. So my continuing prayer is that everyone look deep within themselves and do what is right. Help someone today and then keep going. Don't forget that we belong to eachother and we were not put here to accumlate a bunch of needless crap and to torture and kill one another. Who would want to live in a world like that???

(see other posts I wrote called Solutions, More Solutions for inspiring, positive and up-lifting informations about what IS POSSIBLE)

Graduation Day

My oldest sister's oldest child, Jessica graudated from highschool yesterday. So many emotions and feelings are going on inside of me. First my head is screaming, "AHHHHH!! F*%K I am old!! When did that happen??!!" Of course I am beaming with pride because of the young woman she is and that she is blessed enough to be going to college. I was the only one from my immediate family to finish college and I want my nieces and nephews and of course my daughter to be able to have the opportunites that I had and really just the learning time, the growing time, the time to figure out what direction you want to go in. But at the least of all of this, the bottom line is that you have to have that piece of paper now just to make a salary to GET BY ON. Not be sucesssful and rise to the top with a mere bachelors degree. You have to have that now to just be able to get a decent job to survive! And the job market is so terrifying that even if you have great skills, a degree and you're smart and talented you may find it very difficult to find anything decent out there.
I know that this sounds bleak but I wish the best for my niece and I have faith that she will do well and find happiness in this crazy world.
I want so much to protect her from the bad and stupid things that I did in college. I want to say
1) Don't go to parties and just keep drinking until you black out, its pointless, stupid and it will do permanent damage to your liver
2) Don't trust guys!!! Always go to these parties with a girlfriend or SIX and come home with that girl or girls.
3) Take the amount of school work with a grain of salt, try to give your self rewards after you have finished a big paper, treat. yo. self!
4) You are probably going to get your heart broken very badly this is when it starts to get real because you consider marrying these guys you are dating in college, even if that doesn't happen, you will survive this heart ache and things will work out for the best. It is not the end of the world (like I thought it was)
5) Try not to drop out and think I'll go back when I am ready because chances are you will be 24 and have to move back in with your parents (like me) and everyone in your classes will be 18 year old idiots talking about scamming a way to get their fake ID to get into a bar you USED to work at! ( Oh sorry was I going off too much about myself!) hee hee
6) Call me before you want to experiment with "street drugs" - the lethal chemical combinations out there right now are so dangerous, deadly and insidious that apparently we have begun the zombie apocalypse with having people eating eachother, literally! ( more about this in my next post)
7) Don't just tough out serious bouts with depression. If you feel really scared and desperate - TELL SOMEONE!! My 20s were some of the most volatile times in my life. I am not ashamed nor embarrassed to admit that I was so ill sometimes that I wanted to die badly. It runs in my family and guess what? About a trillion other people have problems with depression and anxiety. There is real help out there and you don't need to suffer in silence or worse.
8) Don't work so much your college school work suffers and you start failing classes. This can lead to dropping out so you can live on your own. See #5
9) Enjoy this time of meeting so many new people, some of the friendships you make will last a lifetime. Once you have to join the dreaded rat race and become a grown up, you will miss this time when there was such an abundance of new people, ideas, music, art all around you.
10) TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT - that is God trying to protect you!

 I have to remind myself that my niece's situaiton is very different than my own. She is not moving into the dorms like I did, she will be staying at home, at least for now. That takes some of the worry away, but most of it is still there