Monday, June 28, 2010

Discoveries of Idiocy

Ok this is my rant blog entry. Joe and I discovered a show yesterday called "Thats Gay" where we found out that there is a new term invented by brillant and classy rappers where they say "no homo" after they say something that could be interpreted as "gay". WTF? Are you serious? This makes me hate the rappers like Lil Wayne so much more than I thought I could. Kanye says it in a song. Lots of other rappers do too. Then I went on facebook and someone I went to highschool with had just put his status up and at the end put no homo. We don't need any more homophobic hate spreading around. This infuritates me and I wish as a freaking society we could please just EVOLVE damn it! Its 2010! There was also a Boondocks episode that someone else posted on my husband's page called "no homo". I hate these current rappers who have put hip hop to shame and create crap song after crap song and coined this phrase. I don't even know the name of the rapper who came up with it and claims he started it. I am not THAT old, I am 32, but I often find myself at the gas station with some young idiot blasting Lil Wayne or one of the other rapper idiots and I glare in hatred. I know its not just me being "old". I just appreciate good music and this to me isn't music at all! But this post is about the hate, the homophobia and my earnest quest to make everyone wake up out of their never ending ignorance! It makes me sick!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Feminine Beauty - Soft, Curvy, Sexy

My last post was about my struggles to try to lose weight. I am confident that i will be able to do this and I wanted to share that even though I am determined to lose it, I need to say that I know that even though I am not a size 6, I am healthy and beautiful NOW just the way I am. I would also like to add that as many women go through, I gained weight because of the pill and I also quit smoking around that time, making weight loss even harder. But this post is dedicated to my appreciation of women who are beautiful and still alluring and sexy at a size 14 or 16. I really despise our country's use of the term "plus size". This is just adding to the feelings of shame or self loathing that bigger girls may feel about themselves. This is just so insane and crazy. The average woman in America is a size 12-14. So that should be called "NORMAL SIZE" or "Average size". Every store should have a wider selection of sizes for women to buy. Not "special stores" that we have to go to. Or the "Plus size" section of the store. If you look at history you will see that in art women's bodies were revered as beautiful and they WERE NOT skinny stick figures who looked more like 12 year old boys!! They had curves and yes stomachs!! There is a website dedicated to this idea that can say it more eloquently than I can. Its called the Judgement of Paris.com. Please check it out. It did wonders for my self esteem a few years ago when I was really feeling down on myself about my weight and my size. I still managed to land myself a gorgeous husband and I am a lot happier loving myself the way I am RIGHT NOW!
So to hell with the EVIL machine that makes us all think we aren't pretty and thin enough. You are beautiful now and always! I will add picutres to another post of some of my favorite shots of "plus size" models from Judgement of Paris.com

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Diets don't work and starving sucks!

So I have always had major, MAJOR issues with my weight. Since I gained a whole bunch of weight my senior year of highschool, i have been in a continuous fight to try to keep the pounds off. I could write a book about the emotional toll and how much it bothers me, I mean really bothers me deep down. I hate pictures, I try to avoid camaras. I struggle to find clothing that first of all, just fits and is comfortable and then second, is flattering or better yet is supposed to "hide" the way I look. So now I HAVE TO lose it. I don't want to give up all the foods I love. I don't want to increase the amount that I exercise, but I have to. I have to lose 20 pounds before I get pregnant. So I have been walking, longer and with more uphill action than normal. I have been doing the elliptical again for at least 20 minutes a day. But the hardest part, is obsessing about every morsel of food or drink that I consume. I have stopped going to Starbucks, which is much better for me because the caffeine is really bad for stomach which is always already under assault. I have tried to cut back on sugar in a major way. I even bought sugar free cookies to try them out. I am trying and I believe it is working and if I really stay strong and don't give in then I will lose it. But OHHHH MY GOSH, I want a glass of wine!! I love wine, I also love and NEED chocolate especially during that time of month!! My loving husband got me Chocolate Sorbet yesterday but let me tell you friends, it is NOT chocolate ice cream, not. even. close! I find myself eyeing up the candy isles like Nicholas Cage's character in my favorite movie, Raising Arizona, would "eye up" the convience stores he so desperately wanted to rob. I like to tell Joe, poor Joe, all the things I am craving and am going without. So here is a list of things that i can not currently eat or drink that I would really, REALLY Like To eat and drink!!
A KING SIZE SNICKERS, A Papa Johns or Pizza Hut Pizza, A bottle of wine, A whopper WITH cheese please, a big bowl of Moose Tracks Ice Cream, a soda - any kind, just a soda!, a steak and lastly a big piece of Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cake with Raspberry dressing....Oh and a piece of Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory to end it right!
Please pray for me, this will be a long and arduous journey that I am embarking on. I am trying so hard to stay strong and to try to enjoy working out (yeah right!).
Honestly, I do feel better after I work out and eat right. I know that its good for me and this time I am not just doing it for me, but for the heatlh of my future miracle. :)

Sunset in Paradise


Hawaii Bliss


Spring at new House


Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm baaaaaaccckkkk...

So I can't believe I actually deleted my old blog, but as my ranting would have shown that i was a disgrunted government employee. I am now a much happier, much more grateful government employee. I have been thru the best day of my life recently and some of my scariest and darkest too. I was so miserable at my last job, I broke out attempted to become an acupuncturist and am now in my new job. I also got married to the love of my life in paradise aka Hawaii and I hope I can go back soon. I would like to travel somewhere else, we would love to go to Italy next, but that flight is 21 hours..huh? We barely survived our 10 hour flight.
Life has taken some major changes in the last year. We moved into our first house together, even though we are just renting, its a HOUSE and we don't have anyone living above us or below us. Thank GOD for getting out of our last place with DMX below us!
I am happy and so thankful and grateful for what I have!