Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Diets don't work and starving sucks!

So I have always had major, MAJOR issues with my weight. Since I gained a whole bunch of weight my senior year of highschool, i have been in a continuous fight to try to keep the pounds off. I could write a book about the emotional toll and how much it bothers me, I mean really bothers me deep down. I hate pictures, I try to avoid camaras. I struggle to find clothing that first of all, just fits and is comfortable and then second, is flattering or better yet is supposed to "hide" the way I look. So now I HAVE TO lose it. I don't want to give up all the foods I love. I don't want to increase the amount that I exercise, but I have to. I have to lose 20 pounds before I get pregnant. So I have been walking, longer and with more uphill action than normal. I have been doing the elliptical again for at least 20 minutes a day. But the hardest part, is obsessing about every morsel of food or drink that I consume. I have stopped going to Starbucks, which is much better for me because the caffeine is really bad for stomach which is always already under assault. I have tried to cut back on sugar in a major way. I even bought sugar free cookies to try them out. I am trying and I believe it is working and if I really stay strong and don't give in then I will lose it. But OHHHH MY GOSH, I want a glass of wine!! I love wine, I also love and NEED chocolate especially during that time of month!! My loving husband got me Chocolate Sorbet yesterday but let me tell you friends, it is NOT chocolate ice cream, not. even. close! I find myself eyeing up the candy isles like Nicholas Cage's character in my favorite movie, Raising Arizona, would "eye up" the convience stores he so desperately wanted to rob. I like to tell Joe, poor Joe, all the things I am craving and am going without. So here is a list of things that i can not currently eat or drink that I would really, REALLY Like To eat and drink!!
A KING SIZE SNICKERS, A Papa Johns or Pizza Hut Pizza, A bottle of wine, A whopper WITH cheese please, a big bowl of Moose Tracks Ice Cream, a soda - any kind, just a soda!, a steak and lastly a big piece of Chocolate Macadamia Nut Cake with Raspberry dressing....Oh and a piece of Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory to end it right!
Please pray for me, this will be a long and arduous journey that I am embarking on. I am trying so hard to stay strong and to try to enjoy working out (yeah right!).
Honestly, I do feel better after I work out and eat right. I know that its good for me and this time I am not just doing it for me, but for the heatlh of my future miracle. :)

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