Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Hilarious Cooking Disasters and other not so welcome visitors!

Ok so the plan was to just cook a simple meatloaf. The receipe was titled, "EASY NO FAIL MEATLOAF" in fact! So it was Sunday and I go down and ask my husband, who is completely distracted by football ( big sigh) to help me prepare this "easy" dinner. Now, let me start by saying that we do not cook and we aren't skilled in any way or good at it, HOWEVER, I have made meatloaf many times and it turned out fine. But this was supposed to be really tasty, so I thought I would give it a try. I told Joe over and over that i didn't have enough meat, the receipe called for a pound and a half but I only had a little over a pound. So (out loud) I kept saying that we better compensate the rest of the ingredients but as soon as I said that it was forgotten. I started on the most dreaded ingredient, chopping the onion. Let me pause again to mention the fact that my husband hates onions but I reassured him that it would taste really good! Joe and I like watching Master Chef and one of the first elimination rounds was how fast and accurate they were able to chop an onion. Well Ramsey would have turned purple screaming at me and dropping repeated F bombs if he had seen the way I butchered this onion. I used a huge knife and tried to get the pieces as small as I could. Well that wasn't very good because they were big honking pieces people!! And this damn onion made me cry, it stung and if you are wielding a giant knife, you probably shouldn't be welling up with tears when you are chopping, but I didn't cut myself with the knife...oh no...THAT would make sense! So after that tragic scene, I threw in the egg, breadcrumbs and grabbed the box of brown sugar to open it. I don't know how I did this but my right hand slipped and I SLICED my right palm wide open on that little damn cardboard box. So now I am screaming and jumping around and I keep yelling, "Its swelling" Joe runs upstairs and gets a huge gauze pad and the medical tape and wraps my hand up. Then I keep stressing how much I need ice on the SWELLING! Oh boy, so now I am injured, injured bad and of course don't have full use of my hand, the important one. So I proceed to frantically yell at Joe to form this monstrouscity into a loaf and then as we are cracking up I tell him there are faaarrr too many onions. So he starts picking a couple hundred CHUNKS of onion out and throwing them in the trash. I smear the top with the delcious ketchup brown sugar mix and toss it in the oven. I look over in total exasperation at my frazzled husband and tell him that it is probably not going to be edible. And when we pulled it out an hour later, it was indeed a foul ONION LOAF!! What a debacle! As I often say, " I was apaulled at this atrocity!" The loaf couldn't even stay together because it had so many nasty GIANT bunches of onions rolling out of everywhere. Needless to say this is when we called Pizza Hut.

The second half of this post is dedicated to my lil friend the spider. Please leave me alone, lil friends. You haunt me around every corner. Yesterday I was eating lunch at my desk and one crawled out and everyone is so lucky I didn't jump up screaming loudly. Then later last night I was sitting on our couch and I let out my scared noise " AAANNNNNHHHHHHH!!" Joe jumped back in horror cause he didn't know why I was staring at nothing and getting scared. This time it was a freaky little white/yellowish spider that was coming down from the ceiling in my FACE!! This is a common occurence in our house in the woods unfortunately. I know Halloween is approaching, but spiders, enough, please we can't take it anymore!!

No comments:

Post a Comment