Tuesday, November 2, 2010

30 Days of Me - Day 29

Day 29 - In this past month, what have you learned

I have had quite a month. I have learned many things or I have had a lot of things happen and I am still processing all of them, maybe. This was probably more than a month ago, but one day I sat down and logged onto facebook and I found out that a friend who I grew up with passed away. He was actually younger than me. The biggest reaction I had was utter disbelief and shock. He was only 32 years old? I didn't know him that well but he was close to many of my friends who I grew up with. Another immediate reaction was that I better learn to enjoy every moment with my loved ones because you never know when something might happen and that person will be gone from this world. A little after that Joe's sweet cousin, who I adore, Amanda, asked me to be in her wedding. I told her that of course I would be honored. So a few weeks ago, we met at the bridal shop to get measured for the dresses. She told me that her Dad was very ill and we found out a few days later that he has cancer and is being treated now at John Hopkins.  This was pretty devastating to me, I feel so bad that he has to endure all of that pain. Again I asked why does this have to happen to people? Its so unfair, why?? Then a few weeks passed and last Friday Joe was very upset on the phone and he told me that his best friend is going in tomorrow for a bone marrow extraction and they think he may have cancer or another very serious illness. I watched my husband feel so sad and scared for his best friend. And again I asked God, WHY IN THE HELL is there so much suffering!? And then at work a healthy man who was in his early forties (I think) was on his way here to the agency and collapsed and died of a massive heart attack. As all of this was happening my sister was encouraging me to listen to the book "Conversations with God", I was very reluctant at first but then I gave in and went to the library to check it out. I listened to these cds on my commute to and from work. Its pretty fascinating stuff and it is a good time for me to listen to something that is going to strengthen my faith in a higher power and have some sort of comfort in these difficult times. To everyone out there who has loved ones who are suffering and in pain battling cancer or who have been taken away by this horrible sickness, I will say a prayer for you for healing and wellness and peace. I don't know if I have learned anything or if I have learned all I ever need to know. I do know that I am so grateful for this moment what I have, I am grateful for LOVE and I will try very hard not to be negative, to hate, to fear, feel doubt, feel hopelessness, to feel disconnect from that unconditional love. I will instead appreciate, give thanks, give hugs, give hope, spread joy and understanding. I will do my best to honor and let my "highest self" shine through from the inside out. This may sound like a bunch of corny, cheesy, religious hoo-ha but its not at all. It is my soul crying out so that all the wonder and light of the unseen can be felt and seen by those that I love. That is all I can hope for. I will keep on praying and believing and sending this love out to the universe. I hope you will too.

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