Monday, February 28, 2011

Where It Landed!

Ok, people, now I will return to telling funny stories from my life, what this blog's purpose is, to make myself and others laugh at life, specifically my life. We all need to laugh more. I will get back to talking about music and tv shows that I love later.
This was inspired by my sweet and funny friend Sherilin over at
Since she is shares my plight of the over-sized, bodacious ta-tas! Women claim to want big boobs, but the women who actually have them know all the pain and utter BS that comes along with having them. These include trouble finding a supportive, comfortable bra, back pain, sweating issues, men's leering and uncomfortable stares or comments, trouble being able to wear certain shirts (I gave up button downs all together because of the buckling and appearance), dresses, and I don't have to go over what happens as you age and gravity is a cruel force of nature.
But this post is about cleavage and the bigger the boobs you have the bigger and longer the cleavage!
So, there I was in high school out at Bennihana, a Japanese Steakhouse where they prepare the food right in front of you. It was my yearbook class celebrating the end of the year and another successful publication.  It must have been warm and I was wearing a V-neck or scoop neck short sleeve shirt.  As you know you all sit around a table as a big group and they chop, and fry up all the delicious food as you watch. Well some of the chefs are more energetic and entertaining than others. This chef decided to play a fun game with us and throw little pieces of shrimp or chicken on our plates. So then it was my turn and he tossed and you guessed landed right in my cleavage!!! Everyone had a great roaring laugh, there was shouts of glee, there was pointing and carrying on. I sat there red-faced and horrified and yet, again, embarrassed of my crazy-large breasts.

I will also take this opportunity to re-iterate my feelings about curvy, so called "plus-sized" women like myself. We shouldn't be referred to as "plus size" because we are average. That's right, the average American woman isn't a size 5, or even a size 9-10, she is more than likely a size 12 or 16/18. So I will re-post one of my favorite websites dedicated to celebrating these "plus-size" models called "The Judgement of Paris" and include a picture of one of them, the beautiful Kaillee O'Sullivan and an Irish lassy like myself also!

Photo courtesy of

I will also include a clip of the Lane Bryant commercial that was recently banned from ABC and Fox for being too racy. The model who was featured in the commercial made a very good point she said something like and I am paraphrasing, "Those Victoria Models can prance around in their bras and panties but you feature someone who has a little bit more and they ban it. Really? 
Well, when I watch it, all I can think to myself is POWER TO THE "REAL" WOMEN!!! Too sexy, huh? yeah, not so "fat" or "plus size" now are we??

Friday, February 25, 2011

Free For All Fridays, Part III

Happy Friday Everyone! It was a treacherous and crappy drive in today. There was so much heavy rain and fog and I couldn't see a damn thing!!

Today I am doing a small tribute to one of my favorite musical artists, Sting. I love Sting and the Police so much. In particular I want to point out how much I love that song "Synchronicity II" - it is such a haunting and incredible song. I admire the poetry and message of the lyrics. I listen to this often when I am in my car on my long and grid-locked commute. My favorite part is, "Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes.

Contestants in a suicidal race" it may seem dark and depressing, but when you are sitting there for the millionth time in a traffic jam, stop and go, stop and go, for long stretches, sometimes you look off into the distance and think how am I still sane??
As I have stated before I commute towards DC from Columbia where ALL the traffic is going and the route I take has 38 lights, that is not an exaggeration, I counted. Its pretty ridiculous. And like Office Space, I sit in a "box" called a cubicle and type my life away, day in and day out. Sometimes it gets to you, the daily grind, sometimes its makes you exhausted to your core. Again, I will say, yes I am grateful for all I have in a time when so many are unemployed or "underemployed". But I can still be thankful for what I have and still have to vent about the insanity of the working world and what it does to your psyche, your outlook on life and your overall health.

Ok back to Sting. Here are the lyrics to that song in case you don't already know it
Synchronicity II by the Police
Another suburban family morning.
Grandmother screaming at the wall.

We have to shout above the din of our Rice Crispies
We can't hear anything at all.
Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration,
But we know all her suicides are fake.

Daddy only stares into the distance
There's only so much more that he can take.
Many miles away something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark Scottish lake.

Another industrial ugly morning
The factory belches filth into the sky.
He walks unhindered through the picket lines today,
He doesn't think to wonder why.
The secretaries pout and preen like cheap tarts in a red light street,
But all he ever thinks to do is watch.
And every single meeting with his so-called superior

Is a humiliating kick in the crotch.
Many miles away something crawls to the surface
Of a dark Scottish lake.

Another working day has ended.
Only the rush hour hell to face.
Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes.
Contestants in a suicidal race.
Daddy grips the wheel and stares alone into the distance,
He knows that something somewhere has to break.
He sees the family home now looming in the headlights,
the pain upstairs that makes his eyeballs ache.

Many miles away there's a shadow on the door
Of a cottage on the shore
Of a dark Scottish lake...............

I could do an entire post about how much I love Sting and The Police. If you haven't read his auto-biography, "Broken Music" you really should, I highly recommend it.

This week I also want to mention how much I love the band Kings of Leon, there new album, "Come Around Sundown" is really spectacular. I love almost every song. I saw their new video for the song, "Pyro" recently and wow, it is really crazy and artistic and beautiful in the darkest kind of way.

This week I watched all these incredible impressions from Jay Pharoah, he is a so talented and you will be amazed at how well he is at imitating almost any one in popular cultrue today. He is on Saturday Night Live and a friend sent me the skit with Scarlett Johanson he did for "Unstoppable". I will include a video of a Denzel impression, but he really can do anyone and everyone. Joe and I sat there watching him do like 30 impressions in a row on you tube. This guy is so amazing. I am in awe of him!!

Lastly I want to say that I wasn't sure I was going to like that new show Shameless with William H. Macy, but we have started watching it regularly and it has definitely charmed me and now I am hooked. Its about a family where there is six kids and they have a crazy, drunken father who is hardly ever around. The oldest sister has to try to take care of everyone and hold it all together and it is rough trying to survive in so much utter chaos. I really like the writing and the characters and the baby, Liam is quite adorable! I love that Joan Cusack is in it and plays a woman with severe agrophobia and when she attempts to leave the house she is taken over by such enormous and unyielding panic attacks. All of this insanity makes for a pretty good show so give it a try

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Say WHAAAAT?! Wednesdays

So I am making a new trend (there are so many for my blog now, try to keep up) its called Say WHAAT?! Wednesdays. I will post all of the goings on and try to keep it positive, since Mondays is reserved for complaining and venting my troubles out.

1) Thank you to my newest follower Kerri @ for being my newest follower, you in your cute little shoes rock!! I am sooo close to 50 people, can you feel it? I can!!

2) I saw something so inspiring and just really beautiful today. On the license plate frame in front of me it said, "Thanks Chad for the two lungs" and they had a donate life sticker as well. Wow! What a gift to give someone else! I have a co-worker who dontated her kidney. Consider becoming a organ donor on your license at least. If God forbid, you die in a car crash or something, you won't need them anyway and they could save someone else's life.

3) Tracy over at, one of my favorite blogs, inspired me to write about my anxious waiting for Spring's arrival. I love the Spring. I love coming outside and feeling the warm sun on my skin, breathing in the flower scented air and hearing the birds singing. And the animal babies!! We spend a lot of time at our beautiful lake and I love to see all the little duck babies or gosslings waddling around following their  parents, so cute! What a magical time in nature. A time of renewal, rebirth and beautiful weather. I hope I can make a baby soon too! We have certainly had fun trying!

Last Friday it was 70 glorious degrees outside and I felt like their were rainbows and butterflies coming out of my butt as I walked around our lake! HAHA, kind of like the scene in Anchorman with the rainbows and unicorns...

Most of all I am trying to desperately get the F out of the spare bedroom, working out on the elliptical day in and day out and outside into the sunshine and fresh air!! We only have about a month until the official start of spring, March 20th and I can't wait, for that and St. Patrick's Day too. I am Irish and my sister Patty was born on St. Patrick's Day, so I really love it.

So there is as much positivity as I can muster, but today is a frustrating day for me. As you know, I don't talk about my job that much because I work for the government. As you all know, the economy is on the rocks and they may shut the government down, which I am very angry about because this will obviously affect my paycheck. I don't want to make this into a big political blog and I realize many of you may not agree with my politics but I am a huge liberal and a democrat and to me, this is just another way for the stupid, rich Republicans to try to control things and I really hate them for it. Ok, now I am stepping down off my soap box. If I lose followers now because of this, than that is ok with me, because I am likely to go off about something concerning politics in the future!

Here are some pictures of Spring themed things to brighten your day. I know I have included this before but I just love the Norman Rockwell painting of "Springtime" that I have hanging in our house.

 From the Rainbows and Unicorn part of "Anchorman"
  The Lake right around the corner from our house

 Easter Lily from last year
 Around our house last Spring, and its really sad because these trees have been cut back almost all of them gone because of disease and termites, glad I took pictures when I did!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Feb 21st : What a Wonderful Day!

I have dedicated Mondays to my new series for my blog called "A Case of the Muuunnnddaaayys", where I can feel free to vent and complain about whatever I want. But today is a great day, February 21st, my husband's birthday, the day the love of my life was born! Its also a holiday, President's Day and I have the day off, which today is very awesome because I don't feel like being at work AT ALL right now.

I have to say my usual THANK YOU and SHOUT OUT to my newest followers, Amber over at Amber LaShell Rants, go over and check her out and share some light and love and to my other follower, Kenton Shonhor at (I love that name by the way), go over and check him out too, thanks to both of you to bringing me up to 46! I am so close to 50 I can almost taste it!

Ok, so now I will include my soul-bearing, mushy dedication to my baby:
To my husband, you are the greatest "God send" that has ever come into my life. I love how much fun you are to be with, I love your positivity, your warm embrace, your loving heart and of course, your gorgeous self. You are my world and I love to love you!!! I hope you had a good birthday weekend and I look forward to many more.  I never knew I could be this happy in a relationship, you have made me believe in kismet, fate, because it really feels like we were made for each other.

Now I can finally talk about Joe's presents because before I knew he was reading every post and he really loves surprises so I couldn't mention them. I got him his favorite show on DVD, The Wire. If any of you haven't seen this show its so great. The show is a VERY accurate, honest, gritty and moving portrayal of Baltimore City life from the drug dealers and police to the schools, politicians and the newspaper, the Baltimore Sun. We loved watching it the first time and its really good the second time. I like making my husband happy. He also grew up in Baltimore City and so I think it resonates even more for him.
I also got him a print of "Proverbidioms" it is a really interesting painting of hundreds of sayings, proverbs and idioms. We discovered the print while visiting New Orleans and then we had to try to track it down on the Net. I have included a picture of it but you won't be able to see the picutres up close and they are pretty cool, so you may want to look it up, just google the title "Proverbidioms" and it will come right up

As I told everyone, I went to get my hair done over the weekend which I love to do. My hair stylist, Lauren is so great. My hair is growing rapidly because of the prenatal vitamins and so I really needed the cut. It is fun to be pampered and to feel pretty and glamorous for a day. I will include pictures.

I look forward to plenty of relaxing time today, sitting in my comfy chair, putting my feet up on the ottoman and reading my new book, its called "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett, I have only just started it but so far its really good. It is about the South in the 1960s which can be a depressing place, but I am so interested to see what happens to all of the characters I have met so far.

One thing that I really can't believe is that it is supposed to snow tonight, What the hell? For all of you loyal readers out there, (you are awesome and I love you!!) I told you on Friday how it was a glorious, warm and sunny 70 degrees. Now we are supposed to get snow. BIG SIGH, I realize that its still winter but the schizophrenic nature of the Maryland weather is enough to drive you crazy. And not to mention uspet your allergies, I spent most of the morning blowing my congested nose. I know that isn't positive and now I am complaining, but even if its a great day, its still a Monday, so sorry people!

Me and Joe in Hawaii before the wedding

The After Salon pics:

Friday, February 18, 2011

Free for All Fridays Part Deux

Hey Everyone Today is going to be a great day! Its going up to 70 degrees and I am getting the G-town cupcakes for Joe's B-day celebration weekend. And best of all I get to leave work 2 hours early.
So this is the second installment of Free For All Fridays, a way to hang loose and just say whatever one feels like because hey its Friday and all of our minds are somewhere else anyway, so why not just randomly shoot out ideas and at the same time dream of weekend pleasures!

1) THANK YOU AND SHOUT OUT to my two newest fellow followers, two very cool manly men, Ashley and George at You two are the bees knees, thank you so much for reading and following! I know Ashley from elementary school and we like to keep in touch on facebook. George is another blogger friend who is so awesome and loyally reads and leaves comments which always makes me so happy! I don't have a ton of male followers and I love to get more since it can get a little estrogen over-run at times! :)

2) "Hello Jerry!" Uncle Leo, RIP, Yesterday many of you found out that the actor Len Lesser, who played Uncle Leo on Seinfeld passed away. I was really sad to hear this news because as most of America, I have seen every episode of Seinfeld about 50 times and he was very funny. My husband says everything in life can be applied to one Seinfeld episode or another, which for the most part is very true. I have to include the picture from my favorite Uncle Leo episode which is the one where Elaine paints fake eyebrows on him during the "medical file" episode. Hilarious! As you guys know, I live for all things funny and as much as this show is old now and everyone has seen every episode, it was really freaking funny and I love it.

3) Book and Video Wars: So I hear the Borders is bankrupt and I find it so interesting to watch all of the "book wars" and "video wars" go on out there in the world. First I hated the big box book stores, like Borders and Barnes and Noble, for driving out the mom and pop bookstores out of business. I worked briefly for University of Maryland's bookstore and when Barnes and Noble took over it was totally corporate BS. They made us all wear a certain "uniform" and everything became so corporate and yucky. Now with electronic readers like Kindle and ordering books cheaper on Amazon, Borders is in trouble. Interesting. I don't think I like the ideas of books becoming obselete like the eight track though. I like reading a good paperback and don't own a Kindle yet. The same thing is happening to video. First Blockbuster came in and drove all the smaller video stores out of business and now Blockbuster is fighting with Netflix to see who can put who out of business. I guess in the future it will be mostly downloads and on demand. We rent from the Redbox which is only $1 a movie. I guess you can't stop progress and technology.

4) Witty things I say and do...  I heard the famous Lionel Ritchie song, "Easy Like Sunday Morning" this morning and I used to say, a woman could NEVER sing that song.. haha
One of the funniest things I did a long time ago was to put "Who could it be now" as my ringtone on my cellphone - I mean seriously, that is funny, right?
When I used to call out Does anyone want more Blank, I would say "Going once, twice, Three times a Lady"!! People would crack up, even though that wasn't that funny.

5) Yummy Cinnamon Dolce I went to Starbucks on this lovely Friday morning and decided to try a new drink suggested byNerd Girl at, since its so warm out I decided to get the Cinnamon Dolce Frappacinno which was super good, or what I like to say, my little phrase, "super delicious happy hour" Thanks for the suggestion!

So this was an easy  breezy post, I hope you all have a relaxing, enjoyable and terrific weekend! Love to you!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Humps and a Bump!

Does anyone remember that really crazy, funny MC Hammer song called Pumps and A Bump?? Well I sure do, I was a Pom Pon in highschool, which for those of you who don't know is basically the dance team, we would perform at half time during the football and basketball games, and we did a routine to this funky jam! Haha, wow that was such a long time ago.
Here is the link to the video:

So this is going to be a Humps and a Bump post for Hump day, instead of complaining like I did in the last post, "A Case of the Muunnnndaaaays" I will focus my attention on things that are making me happy in this one.

1) Pink's New Song/Video, "Perfect" - I love Pink. I don't love all her songs, but I really love her as an artist over all. She is pretty kick ass. She has come out with some songs and videos that I really like. I loved that performance she does for the song "Glitter in the Air" where she is up on the silks spinning around, I will include that one too. This past weekend, I saw her new video for the song "Perfect". I really dig it, I am someone who has struggled with anger, depression and low-self esteem growing up. I know that it may come as a surprise to those of you that don't know me because I try to be positive and funny as much as I can but I have my vices and issues just like we all do. I really like this video and its message so much. So please give it a try with an open mind, if you aren't a Pink fan.

Pink's "Glitter in the Air" Grammy Performance

Pink's "F**kin' Perfect"

I love that the girl cuts all her hair off (I have done that) and that she is an artist like me and at the end how she is telling her own daughter that she thinks that she is perfect. It breaks my heart and I so get it, so yay Pink you are the best, thanks for being who you are. And Pink is very pregnant right now with her first child, as I hope to be very soon too, so I wish her all the best!!

2) The Spring-like Warmer Weather - Today it will be going up to 54 I think, tomorrow 60 and Friday I think will be up to 66 or 67!! For the middle of February that is fan-freaking-tastic!! Last year we were pummeled and traumatized with blizzard after blizzard during February and it was UGLY. I don't know how we made it thorough with our sanity, but the end of this week is going to be fabulous! I can't believe they are actually talking about freezing rain on Monday and snow next Tuesday, I will have to worry about that possiblity next week and enjoy the warmth and sunshine now, while I can!!

3) Getting out early and 3 day weekend! We got an email from our "leader" that informed us that since we have raised so much for chairty this year, over $70,000, so proud of us, we are getting a gift of being able to leave 2 hours early on Friday. This is terrific since its also a 3 day weekend because of President's Day on Monday and also the real treat my baby's birthday also on Monday, meaning its Joe's birthday weekend! Celebrate good times Yahooo!! I am going to Georgetown Cupcakes ( from the show DC cupcakes on TLC) and get 6 delicious treats instead of getting him a cake. If any of you reading this have a favorite that you would like to recommend please do!! I am also taking recommendations tomorrow on my facebook page. I have heard the Red Velvet and Key Lime Pie are two of the best, but since I have only had one from there, I don't know which ones to choose.

4) Getting My Hair Did! I am going back to my new salon, Victoria Albert Salon on Saturday, so there is their plug, even though most of you don't live in the Maryland area. I love going to get my hair "did" and they are so nice and when you get a shampoo there they have the chairs that massage you, ooh I love that. I know I have talked about them before. I will try to include a picture later in the week if I have time. I wish I could do my hair the way she does it and believe me, I have tried, I went out and bought the round brush like she uses and got a much nicer, fancier hair dryer but I just don't have those hair skills, so I will leave it up to the professionals.

5) Raising Hope: This is a new show that Joe and I think is pretty hilarious. The entire story is wacky and insane much like other Greg Garcia shows (he made My Name is Earl). The baby girl, Hope couldn't be cuter and it makes me want a baby even more than I already do! The show is really creative and original and I love how the Mom is played by Martha Plimpton who was in Goonies, she is so funny and the grandma who is senial is played by Cloris Leachman, there is always a hilarious situation surrounding her going in and out of being lucid and then back to outer space. There is an actress from the show The Riches which I also loved. So if you haven't given this a try, yet, I think you should. Its on Fox, on Tuesday night at 9 pm.

So I hope everyone's week is going great. I really love all my newest followers and I appreciate you all so much!! Thank you for reading and commenting, I try to keep up with reading everyone's blogs too and even if I don't comment I probably read it. So a big blogger hug to all of you guys and ladies that make this so much fun for me!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day and Case of the Muunnnddaaaays

Hey Everyone!
Happy Valentine's Day again. I already did my big V-day post so I won't overwhelm you with hearts and love and all of that.
I want to do a new post on Mondays, inspired by one of the funniest movies ever, called "Office Space"
So for Free for All Fridays, I will post random things going on that are giving me joy or grief. Well Case of the Muuuuunndaaaays will most likey be venting or rants of complaints that you may relate to or think are funny. We will see how these go.

Before all the fun gets underway, I would like to say a very big and sincere THANK YOU and SHOUT out to my 2 newest followers! I am up to 42! That is ever closer to my current goal of 50. Wow! Thanks to you new comers for taking an interest in my blog. Thanks to ladydayton at, I am digging her photography, go check it out and follow her as well.
And Thanks to Kelly Caffee over at, wow a Mom blogger that truly inspires. I am working on just having one and that terrifies the poop out of me! Go check her out too and share the love, as I always say!

Ok, ahem, back to the complaining! I try to keep it positive and avoid the stinking thinking but some things drive us bonkers, insano and out of our minds. Here are a few recent happenings that have driven me to the brink!

1) STATIC SHOCKS: During the winter months, I tend to have a constant forcefield of static surrounding me and flowing through my body at all times. I keep shocking myself when I go to turn on the computer or when I go to turn on the light or even when I go to kiss my husband. He has been poking my face lately before going in for a kiss as to see if I am "charged" or not! This is getting ridiculous. We have two large, cozy, fuzzy blankets on our couch for the winter. Well cuddling up with those and having a fleece on at the same time is a receipe for static disaster! I am so sick of the feeling of the shock. Ugh, I hate it! Then in our room at night it is so dark that you can see the static electricity when you move the down comforter around, pretty wild.

2) TURNING RED: I am a pale white girl and like most, pale white women I turn red when I am embarrassed. But I sometimes turn red when I don't want to, when I am not embarrassed at all and the more I want the redness to stop the more it comes and comes. I hate this so much, because I can't control it or make it stop. I just have to let myself turn red as a beet and have the other person feel as uncomfortable as I am and then let it go away when its ready. It happens all the time, it happened when I went to go get the Meange A Trois wine over the weekend. I am 33, but I pulled out my bank card and my license and gave it to the young man working at the liquor store and I said, "Here you go, I am really old but I will give it to you anyway" And then I felt my cheeks getting a little warm and I thought, No, Nooo, please not now! I am not even embarrased body! Why must you do this to me!" And so he made some small talk with me and tried to be nice but I was clearly pre-occupied by how purple-red my face was turning. I quickly signed my slip and ran out of the store!

3) THERE IS SOMETHING STUCK IN YOUR TEEFF" I know everyone has experienced this. Over the weekend I also enjoyed a little Chipotle lunch before I headed to the liquor store. I was in the car on my way to the store when I did the teeth check in the rearview mirror and there it was a big nasty dark green piece of something Mexican in between my teeth. Its always in this one spot and so tough to get out! So I sit there in the parking lot and try to get it out with my hand, my tongue, sucking action, a piece of paper but nothing would work! So embarrassing..maybe that is why I turned red at the liquor store and then I probably smiled and he saw the big green thing stuck there. OMG! Help Me!

But seriously folks, I had a great Valentine's Day and I hope you do too!

Here are some pictures from our Valentine's Day:

Friday, February 11, 2011

Free for All Fridays Debut

I think I going to start a new tradition for my blog. Its going to be called, "Free for All Fridays" this is a spin-off of Random Thoughts Thursdays. This is a chance for me to post all the not-so-collective thoughts going on inside my head. Without a theme, are these postings.

1) THANK YOU and a SHOUT out, as always to my newest follower, Jayme at, go check out her blog and share the love, now I have 40! Wow that is sublime! When I get 50 I am going to throw a blog party and it will be like when Molly Shannon would do her skit of that 50 year-old woman who screamed "I'm 50! And I like to Kick!"

2) THE ROOTS - Today I was reminscing about the days when I was young and in my 20s and would go to shows and see awesome groups like the Roots. My friend posted the lyrics to that song, "You Got Me" by the Roots and Erykah Badu. I saw the Roots live probably eight times. It was so much fun. I even got to meet the human beatbox Rahzel. It was so cool. They are really like no other hip hop group out there.

3) So excited for Valentine's weekend and the weekend after that is my lovely husband's birthday weekend. I am going to go out tomorrow and get a bottle of this white wine I have been wanting to try called menage a trois. It is three different blends mixed together and a co-worker recommended it. We are probably going to go out to breakfast on Sunday morning which will be nice. And for his birthday we are going to one of our favorite restaurants Bonefish Grill for some delicious bang-bang shrimp! YUM! Can't wait!

4) I have a dermatologist appointment next week for this disgusting huge and painful sore I have on my mouth that makes me look like a have the herpes!! I told my husband that the people in my office must think he is cheating on me with the town hooker! I have been struggling with these skin issues for years. Its not just your run-of-the-mill acne, but painful huge, swollen sores that keep plaguing my life and returning over and over again. I have also been to the dermatologist many times for this same problem and they have told me I am some what of a "medical mystery" grrreat. That is just what you want to hear when you want something to go away VERY BADLY!

5) Look at the huge heart that my co-worker brought in for all of us today! It was so sweet but doesn't help any of us on our diet plans or goals, but she is so sweet and always brings in plenty of treats on the holidays. This picture is not good but this thing was ENORMOUS, the biggest Valentine's Day heart box of candy I have ever seen!

So there it is folks short and sweet for the weekend, have a great one and tell those that you love that you do!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

"Like a FART in an Elevator!"

WARNING: This post is about flatulence, farts, gas, poots or toots. If you are grossed out by that topic and don't find it silly and fun like me then you might want to skip this post.

Well, after yesterday's girlie, mushy post about all things love and Valentine's Day, I thought I would follow up with a funny story about flatulence, one of my favorite topics!!
Everyone is afraid of the fart in the elevator! I mean its just a nightmare, stink bomb, death TRAP situation, isn't it? You are already uncomfortable and you are stuck in there with a bunch of strangers and everyone is staring at the numbers because they don't feel like making small talk.
So what do you do in that situation if you need to rip a good one? Well you squeeze those butt cheeks and hold that sucker in! I care about my fellow man and I don't want him or her to have to hold their breath while taking the long trip to their floor. Its bad enough that I get on and am emersed into a cloud of cologne or cheap perfume or the worst, cigarette stench. And I will again state that I used to be a smoker but when you quit you then transform back into the "rest of the non-smoking world" who is repulsed and highly irritated by second hand smoke stink. Ok, Ok back to the gas!
So there I was a few weeks ago, I had some chili and that night and the next day at work I payed the price!While at work,  I had been holding in many machine-gun style poots all day. I tried not to "crop dust" and let them out all over the office as I ran to the bathroom. Some slipped out, others stayed in the tightly squeezed cheeks. At the end of the day, I was tired of all gaseous explosions. I made my way to the elevators and down to my level of the parking gargage. I work on the 8th floor and I park on the lowest level of the garage that is under the building (what I refer to as the dungeon) so add 4 more stops to get to my final destination and when I had almost reached the bottom I decided that I coudn't hold it in any longer. It was the end of the day and no one was ever down there getting ON the elevator so I let it RIP and RIP it did. It was a long and winding fart, complete with an array of noises. PFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTHHHH!! AHHH! Relief! Then.....
The door opened and there was this little man pushing his way past me to get on the elevator. I looked up at him wide eyed and in shock and horror. The ONE DAY that I decide to let my anus have its way in the elevator and you have to be there, little man, don't you? So I ran off in the direction of my car laughing hysterically (after the door closed, of course) I hope it didn't smell too bad!! Murphy's law at work again in my life, I guess the moral is don't let a fart seep out even when you think its safe!!

Since we are on the topic of so much gas, I must also take this opportunity to plug one of my favorite children's books called, "Walter the Farting Dog" by William Kotzwinkle and Glenn Murray. Its so cute and funny, I love the illustrations and kids love it too. I used to read it to my niece when she was younger and we would laugh and have a ball.

And I must add on that as always, I send a big THANK YOU and SHOUT OUT to Ruth at, go check out her blog and follow her too and thanks to GetaroundRob for following too. I am up to 39 followers!! I can't believe it! I am super pumped to keep these fingers typing away and keep you guys laughing. I am so close to my next goal of 50! Thanks again to Average Girl at for helping me out by posting my entry to her Blog Wars so more people could find me and vise versa. And I just found out that my Blog War entry was featured on a public website! This is so exciting! Here is the link, look down at the bottom on the left hand side! I am really going places!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Your Kiss is on my List

...With the best things in life"!! - I am such a sucker for Hall & Oats, a true child of the 80s! Well here it finally is my Valentine's Day celebratory post! I have waited for this day and even though it isn't until next Monday, I can't wait until then! I even changed my blog's Design template to be pink in honor of this day. I put out a pretty red table cloth. I bought my husband lots of gifts and spent a very long time reading every Valentine's Day husband card there was at the store before choosing "the perfect" one. Yes, this may be a silly Hallmark holiday, but I love it. Its a day to celebrate love, not just romantic love, love for your friends and family too. I loved it when I was a kid and we would make our little Valentine mailbox to receive all the little Barbie, Transformer, Care Bear, Strawberry Shortcake Valentines from everyone in your class. And a holiday where the main focus is on chocolate and flowers, how could that be a bad thing??

I have been listening lately to the soundtrack to Romeo and Juliet (the Leo Dicaprio & Clare Danes one) and so I will include a picture from that movie. I know that its a tragedy and it makes everyone so sad when they both off themselves in the end, but I love it for its beautiful poetry and its unbridled passion! The passion! That is what I think we all want in our love lives.

Here is a little quote from the famous play:
"When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun." ~ William Shakespeare

I absolutely LOVE the band Train so much and every time I hear thier new song "Marry Me" I well up with emotion and tears! I am a very sensitive woman! And I love my husband so much and this song is so beautiful. I will provide the link to the video.

Lastly, a few weeks ago on Ellen, she had Joshua Radin perform his song, "Today" that he sang at her wedding. Wow, this was the first time I had heard this song and it was so heart felt and beautiful, I cried and I also can't listen to it without crying. But they are tears of joy because I am so happy and blessed that I have found the love of a lifetime! I will give the link for the video too.

                Me and My husband on our wedding day in Oahu, Hawaii, happiest day of my life

Joshua Radin performing "Today" on Ellen:

Train's video for "Marry Me"

Blog Wars and New Followers

Hey Everyone this will be a short one before my big Valentine's Day post and ode to all that is love and romance. I was so excited yesterday to debut my entry to Average Girl's Battle of the Blogs 2. I loved reading all the comments on our posts, even the people who voted for my opponent. It was all in good fun and it was NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. But of course, people have to find a way to spoil it, ruin it and be offended. Average Girl was doing a really cool and interesting thing. She was allowing all of us an opportunity to meet up on her blog and have fun while getting exposure and hopefully making a few new friends in the process. I am so sorry that people sent her email complaining about it and that all the future "battles" didn't get a chance to be published on her blog. I completely understand why she would feel dissapointed and exasperated! You try to do something cool and fun and people come along and have to tell you there is something wrong with it. Well to all of those people I say, Lighten Up please!! Have a sense of humor, you will be a much happier human being. I was really proud of my post and looked forward to gaining some new followers. Well that DID HAPPEN!!! Yay!! I am up to 37 now!! YES!! So excited!

A huge THANK YOU and PLUG to all my new readers:
Thanks to RawknRobyn over at
Thanks to Mynx over at
Thanks to Bruce over at
Thanks to Katshide over at

Please check out their blogs and follow them cause they are awesome and we could all use a little more encouragement and love

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate all my new followers and I will work hard every day to Bring the Funny and make my blog as interesting and informative as possible.
As the husband and I always say, "You guys ROCK SOCKS!"

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

100th Post: Check out my entry over at Average Girl's Battle of the blogs

YAY!! 100th Post!!
I am sitting here recovering from my very painful trip to the dentist, it was just a regular cleaning and I have been in the last 6 months and yes, I do floss and have an electric toothbrush but I am honestly traumatized from the amount of pain that I have just endured! WOW! I really hate the dentist..

So on to BIGGER and BETTER things like Average Girl's Battle of the Blogs 2 - please go over and check out my entry, I loved writing it, it was so much fun and its really funny.
Here is the link:
BATTLE OF THE BLOGS 2: Make Daddy A Sammich v. Its Always Funny in Columbubble

I want to THANK and send a SHOUT OUT to my newest followers, as always! I have 33 now, so excited and made a painful day so wonderful!
Thanks Mrs. Tuna over at Working Woman's Guide to Dinner or If I Cook Chicken A La King One More Time I'll Kill Myself
and Al Penwasser at Penwasser Place
Go check out their blogs and be follow them too! I love to pay it forward and share the love!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Superbowl Weekend In Review

Well it was quite a big weekend out there for all you football fans, I look forward to the Superbowl for a few things: getting to eat junk food, the commercials and the half time show ( if I like the performer that is)
This year proved to be pretty uneventful. The commercials weren't as good as last year. But I will highlight my favorites and I will include the video links too

1) The Darth Vadar VW commercial was very cute
2) The Carmax commercial with the changing people
3) The TV moments of the past - Happy Days, The Simpsons, 90210, etc. pretty fun

But what was even better was there was a show of the best Superbowl commercials and they had this one for Career Builder that I think pure comic genius! I love it, I will make sure to include that one too.

I didn't like the half time show at all and I knew I wouldn't because the performer was the Black Eyed Peas who I named the Black Eyed Poops last night. I strongly dislike their music and find it highly obnoxious but they always have to add some extra surprises in there and Fergie ended up singing "Sweet Child of Mine" as Slash came out of the stage. It was very bizzare and cheesy. Oh well, I really liked it when Prince performed, U2, Tom Petty, or Bruce Springsteen (Bruce SpringSprung to my Mom! haha!). Hopefully next year they will pick someone better!

Joe and finished watching Six Feet Under this past weekend. I kept trying to prepare him mentally, telling him "Its the saddest thing I have ever seen! You are going to sob!" Even though I had seen it before and knew exactly what was going to happen, I found my self doing the "ugly cry" and crying uncontrollably yet again. This time I wasn't screaming out in pain like I did the first time. But it took its toll on me, one of the most depressing, lovely, beautifully heart-breaking and "emotionally riveting" (to quote my husband) shows that were ever created. A truly exquiste masterpiece of human life and death.

It was a warm and sunny 45 degrees here yesterday and a very loud bird was outside our window singing very loudly (see previous posts) So my desperate longing for Spring caused me to feel shocked and exhilarated. I even put on my sunglasses! So I begged Joe to go to the lake with me after the errrands were done and he reluctantly agreed. But since there was so much melting snow and recent rain, there was huge puddles of standing water and mud and melted snow everywhere. I didn't think about the fact that I was wearing my Addias Climacool shoes complete with HUGE VENTILATION HOLES even on the BOTTOM!!! So I went walking bravely onto the wet grass and immediately got freezing cold melted snow water in my shoes! AHHH!! The more I walked the more water that came into my shoe causing me to gasp huge gulps of air in pain and surprise. More water also got in because there are holes on the side. So we had to get in the car and go home and I had to get on the stupid elliptical machine as usual, I was so mad! I am so sick of being cooped up inside on that stupid machine. I want to be outside, breathing the fresh air and admiring our beautiful lake and nature. Oh well, I guess I have to wait for another few weeks.

Over the weekend I saw two really cool shows for the first time. The first one is called "Stan Lee's Superhumans" Stan Lee the creator of Spiderman and other Marvel Comics, has this Superhuman young man go all around the world and find people who have incredible abilities that defy the laws of physics and nature. One man could climb trees and walls and mountain sides just like a monkey. He actually learned all of his skills from monkeys in India. He supported all of his body weight on his finger tips. It was freaky! The next man could feel no pain, he would put thick needles right through his arm or his face and there wouldn't be any blood or pain, it was really crazy. Apparently, he has trained his brain to go into a hypnotic state where he can block out the pain, they took him to one of the world's leading experts on pain and hooked him up to sensors and showed how his brain wasn't showing any signs of pain when they inflicted a great deal of pressure to one of the most sensitive parts of the spine. That was so amazing. Another man could attract objects to his head and hold them suspended in air to his skull. He says that he discovered this power when he was meditating and objects in his ktichen were being drawn to him. He says that when he sees this very bright light then he knows he can hold the object to his body and defy the laws of gravity. The last guy they called the Wolf man, he left his family (pretty crazy) to go and live with a pack of wolves. They showed him drag a big, dead carcass in with a hungry pack of wolves and he "defended his portion" while making these crazy looking faces at the other wolves, where he bared his teeth and stuck his tongue out in between the teeth. They also did a digital recorded of the man's howl and compared to that of an actual wolf and it was the same. This show is really fascinating to watch. It reminds me of the show Heroes that Joe and I used to like to watch, because they really are finding people with super-human abilities. You will be blown away by these people so check it out. Its on the History Channel.

The other show is called " An Idiot Abroad" this is a show where Ricky Gervais (whom I adore and think is so funny) sends his friend, Karl Pilkington around the globe as a giant practical joke on this poor man who seems to have no interest at all in learning about other cultures or wonders of the world. You watch as he struggles to find decent hotel rooms, toliets, food and friendly people to help him along. His constant complaining is so funny and you really do feel bad for him, but at the same time I feel a little bit jealous and mad that he gets to travel to these magical and wonderous places and he isn't even appreciating the beauty and spiritual magnificence all around him. A Yogi takes him to bathe in the Ganges river in India and he is very uncomfortable and doesn't want to do it. The man is so sweet and kind and when Karl is leaving he gives him a hug and tells him to love himself please. This brought a tear to my eye because I thought this little Indian yogi was so nice and his message was so simple, enjoy life, love yourself. I think that many of us, especially Americans live our entire lives and may not learn to do these two things. We are so obsessed with achieving more, worried about money, bills, status, things, consume, consume. Do we really love ourselves and eachother the way we should? I know I am getting a little too deep and serious about a funny show. But there was so much beauty, I say a baby elephant taking a bath, we got to see the Taj Mahal. But don't get me wrong, I would be complaining right along side of Karl if I were there, the toliets were scary if there were any and the bus rides looked very uncomfortable, there was extreme poverty and choas everywhere and that is hard to take when you are a sheltered, relatively well off British man or American. I have only seen the China visit and the India visit, but I can't wait to see all the episodes. His constant commentary on his experience is so funny and just to hear Ricky Gervais crack up is so irrestibly hilarious alone. I highly recommend this new show too. Its on the Science Channel (which I also think is odd cause I would think it would be on Travel or Comedy Central).

The Darth Vader Superbowl commercial:

The Carmax Superbowl commercial:

"TV memories" NFL Superbowl commercial:

Funniest and Greatest Superbowl commercial from the past:

Thursday, February 3, 2011

5 Things I Can't Leave the House Without!

My friend over at totally tagged me a few days ago and now I am returning the favor and telling all of my readers ( loving the new ones!) 5 things that I can't leave the house without!

1) Obviously my wallet, but though it is packed to the brim with cards that I don't even use ( haven't been to Blockbuster in years!) my precious ATM Card. I hardly ever have cash these days, I mean who does? Where I work, though, we have a cafe that you can get a sandwich or some hot food or a salad and they only take Cash. So everyone is forced to use the ATM, which is so annoying and expensive! I hate that! There aren't any of my bank's ATMs really close to my house, so this cash problem is always a bit ridiculous! So after that long explanation, I use that magical card to buy everything else, gas, Mall items, online shopping, Starbucks stops, you name it, it goes on the card. I am very, VERY proud to say that I haven't used my credit card in who knows how long since I trying to pay off all of my debt.
2) My BAG! My husband said there was an older lady in his office that would yell out "My bag!" sometimes instead of "My bad!" hahahaha!! Uh oh...that is a SLANG BLUNDER if I have ever heard of one! Too funny! I just got a new Vera Bradley bag I would love to show off! I am not a trendy girl or even a girly girl. I am not into fashion or frills. I am pretty much a tom boy. However, I admired other ladies with these cute quilted bags and asked a friend what they were called. I ordered my first one and I really like it, it has great pockets and they are really comfortable and soft. They are of course waaaay over priced so I only get them when there is a sale.

3) My Chapstick!! I can't bear to be without the precious tube! I recently ran out of my precious Strawberry, which is IMPOSSIBLE to find so if you see one let me know. I have two in my bag right now, the Classic regular flavor and the Classic Cherry. In this brutal cold winter months, my lips need constant nourishment! Sometimes I will be upstairs and have to get up out of bed to go all the way downstairs just to put some on and get some relief from that awful chapped feeling.

4) Aqua!! I try not to buy water because I don't want to further pollute the world with harmful plastic bottles but on the weekends I do often purchase a Smart Water or two. I love this water, it has added electrolytes and I HONESTLY and truly feel better after I drink the entire thing! I then use the bottles to take my Britta water with me to work.

5) My book! Which I know I just plugged in my other post today about Chinese New Year, but its so good and you have to read it! The book is called "Girl in Translation" by Jean Kwok and the next book I am going to read is called "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett which I have heard is absoultely incredible! I hope so! I love getting sucked into other worlds where my imagination can run free and keep the pages turning! As previously promised, I am going to try to start reviewing movies and books for some of my posts. I am a little worried about giving too much away or spoiling it for people who haven't read them/seen them yet.

Now I will tag other friendly blog ladies so they can share their 5 things too: