laughingmyabsoff.blogspot.com gave me a very funny and smelly award the other day. A Silent but Deadly Fart award! This is the perfect kind of award for someone like me who loves to tell funny fart and poop stories! I am not sure I could top my previous post, "Like a Fart in An Elevator!" but I will try to come up with a gem.
The quiet farts can be the most deadly, indeed. I like to call them Silent but VIOLENT! Especially because it rhymes. As you can see I spent a good part of my youth thinking about funny fart jokes and singing such songs as "When you're sliding into first and you feel something burst! DIARRHEA!! DIARRHEA" - that's right its a classic! And you are a deprived child if you don't know that song. Anyway, back to the gas.
So this is a funny story involving the smelliest, most lethal of the silent variety. The dreaded DOG FARTS! I was visiting my sister in Virginia and her fiance (at the time) came over and brought his dog to spend the night. I loved this dog so much. He loved me too probably because I was always petting him and paying attention to him. So I slept on the couch and he slept on the floor right below me. In the morning, to my horror, I smelled something putrid, the stench was overwhelming!! And then there it was again, I didn't want to wake my sister and soon-to-be brother in law but I had to, I just knew that this poor creature needed to be let outside so that he could take care of business. So I reluctantly, said, um...excuse me guys, the dog is letting out some pretty serious farts that are really burning my nose hairs and he might need to be let outside. And my sister and (now) brother-in-law laughed and said, "oh yeah he does it all the time" And then my brother-in-law said something so funny I remember it to this day, even though that was like eight or nine years ago. He said, "Is it like a fart rolling over a turd??" I started cracking up and couldn't stop. For the rest of the morning I kept asking my sister, "where did he get that from, that is hilarious?" She said, he makes stuff up like that all the time. And its description was SPOT ON, because that is exactly what was being expelled from that poor dog's booty!!!