Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Funniest Songs Ever

I realize that my last post was waaay too sad and waaay too serious. So in keeping with "my highest joy" I will write a funny post or at least about some very funny songs

If you haven't heard one of these songs, then pretty please look it up, I won't be posting links to them but there is the magic of Youtube now so enjoy! It should be a top 10 list but I only came up with 9, deal with it!

9) "Rock Lobster" - B52s, very fun summer song. I love the imagination and silliness that went into writing this song. My favorite part is "everyone had matching towels!"


8) "Another One Rides the Bus" - Weird Al Yankovic - this man is so funny and this song always makes me crack up, it is freaking hilarious, I would love to make a music video for this song cause its comedic GOLD!!

7) "You Say He is Just a Friend" - Biz Markie. Everyone loves Biz, and nobody beats him! hee hee. This song is so funny cause there are parts that just seem so off the way and bizarre and don't rhyme or even try to like the part when it goes, "Excuse me, could you tell me where is door 3?"

6) "Do you hear me" - by 80s band "Missing Persons"- it just sounds so funny when they say Doo you Hear ME?"

5) "Fish Heads" - Barnes and Barnes - my sister and I caught this very strange song on MTV when we were kids and would laugh and laugh, "fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads, fish heads, fish heads eat them up YUM! "You can take them to the movies they don't talk!" - I mean what? funny AND weird..

4) "You Better You Bet" - The Who, I just love it when it says, "When I say I love you, you say, YOU BETTAAA!"

3) "My piece of Sh*t Car" - Adam Sandler - this is a very silly song and something we can all relate to, an old car we had to drive when we were younger that was barely held together and everything about it was wrong

2) "Then I got high" - Afroman - this song is just so funny and sums up the wacky, immobilization of getting high

1) "My Puss" - Margaret Cho - this song is fabulous, hilarious and I love everything about it. Margaret Cho you rock my world!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Prayers for change

I haven't been posting lately. I have had way too much going on. I don't know if I can honestly keep up with this blog or if I want to, but today I feel overwhelmed and I need to get my feelings out. I have posted on here about how anxious I am about the state of the world and how I need things to change, drastic change is what we need.
This week my friend Randy passed away from a rare form of cancer. He was 35. He has a 5 month old baby girl. If I was ripped away from my precious baby right now because of this insidious disease I would be so angry. Rage and anger aren't even strong enough words for how I would feel. My heart goes out to my close friend who was with this man for many years. He was her first love.
As I have mentioned before, Joe's best friend, Brian is battling leukemia. It is beyond brutal. There are no words to describe how sorry I am that he is suffering through this. He has a baby on the way.
I am scared and I am fed up. Recently he found out that his ex-wife's baby boy has numerous tumors all over his body. They found out that there was toxic waste barrels were buried where they live. There is a big lawsuit. Brian also lives in an area in Jersey that borders a cancer cluster. Another big law suit. I am just at my wit's end. I am emotionally exhausted from worrying about the future, what the world is like now and what will the future be like for my baby girl. It isn't about being negative and doom and gloom. People close to me are dying! Randy was 35! Brian is 37! These are young people, and now that little boy...
my friend was urging me to watch "Forks over knives" and to become a vegan. I think that is a great idea and I have been taking steps to eat better. But I think about the cover up about the cancer clusters from the factories and big corporations. The fucking cover up of those barrels with toxic waste that were buried where people were living. WHAT THE HELL are we going to do?? My soul is crying out for help and all I see are people rushing around to nowhere, taping away on their Iphones like zombies. I think about the Chemtrails. (not a freaking conspiracy theory) I think about how our food is poison. Monstano. The water isn't safe to drink, the air isn't safe to breathe, the food isn't safe to eat. What is safe? What is left?
I am so tired friends. So tired of it all and doing more and more research and uncovering just how sick and evil EVERYTHING is, EVERYTHING. Are we headed for oblivion or will it all CHANGE. Well let me tell you, my friends, EVERYTHING is going to have to change. Capitalism has to fall. We have to start treating eachother with love and respect. We have to heal our planet and ourselves. We are at the turning point. The time is now.

Friday, June 1, 2012

The Week In Review

Ok, So I am going to start a new Friday trend on my blog, or I will try to do this on Fridays. Now I am really too busy to post very often because I have a full time job and then my REAL full time job of being a Mommy to an infant.
There is so many, MANY disturbing, disgusting and horrifying things going on in the world and right here in my state of Maryland that I felt I needed to write about it and clear my head.

So here I am doing my usual obessing about the posion in our foods and drinks, the chemtrails posioning our sky and air and my daily battle with reckless and dangerous drivers on my awful commute to work. Then THIS WEEK happened in the world. I used to wonder what kind of world I would be bringing a child into, it seems to be getting scarier and more terrifying by the minute! It leaves me screaming AHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE F%#K are we going to do????????!!!!!!!!!!" in my head while trying to remain calm on the outside.

1) There was a VERY disturbing murder (zombie like) in Miami where a man apparently on some kind of "drug" was eating a man's face off and didn't respond when they were shooting him. Okkkkaaay, not sure how I am supposed to handle this information.

2) Then I get to work today and I find out there was a man in Maryland, my freaking state, who killed a man, cut him up and ate his heart and his brains. Again (zombie like). My friend and I like to joke about the beginning of the zombie apocalypse but how can we not? This is some freaky ass horror movie type stuff. Begin the more screaming in my head....

3) I am beyond sad, outraged and furious to learn that a 12 year old boy in NYC killed himself because he was being bullied. The article said that he was being ridiculed constantly because of his height (short) and his clothes and then they were taunting him with the death of his father. Really? Now kids are torturing eachother because they have lost a parent? What the hell is going on? Who are these evil children and their fucking evil parents who are raising them. Yeah i said it. These parents are allowing there kids to behave this way. Or they are neglecting their children so severely that the kids are just doing whatever they damn well please and no one gives a shit about anyone else.
I have had ENOUGH. I cried so hard when I watched the trailer for the movie, "Bully" where a young man, I think he was 11 years old also took his own life because he was being beaten up and bullied so badly. I will just be FORCED to home school my child if this is the way things go in schools today. Because I will be the one to attack a parent that does nothing as their child is cruel to my child. Once it reaches a point of violence then that child needs to be removed. I am SICK TO DEATH of what goes on in this country and the bullies GET AWAY with it and that is what needs to change. NOW.

4) The situation in Syria has been making me very worried, sad, disturbed. I have read about how there was torturing people in hospitals that were abandoned. Yesterday and today I read about the massacres of children. KILLING BABIES and CHILDREN and their mothers. As many of you know I struggle with the amount of suffering that goes on in the world, like how a child starves to death every 3.5 seconds and how there isn't enough safe drinking water for many people and most people and children die from disease and illnesses that are very treatable. Well if that isn't depressing and overwhelming enough for you, don't listen to the news cause we are opening fire and killing our children. Why?

As you may now know I am some what of a radical when it comes to these world issues. A radical like John Lennon, Ghandi, and Nelson Mandela. I want Peace. It IS absolutely possilbe, it is ABSOLUTELY acheiveable, but first we would have to love one another and stop being so insane, greedy, ego-centric, we have to give up the slavery ideas of money, power and domination. So my continuing prayer is that everyone look deep within themselves and do what is right. Help someone today and then keep going. Don't forget that we belong to eachother and we were not put here to accumlate a bunch of needless crap and to torture and kill one another. Who would want to live in a world like that???

(see other posts I wrote called Solutions, More Solutions for inspiring, positive and up-lifting informations about what IS POSSIBLE)

Graduation Day

My oldest sister's oldest child, Jessica graudated from highschool yesterday. So many emotions and feelings are going on inside of me. First my head is screaming, "AHHHHH!! F*%K I am old!! When did that happen??!!" Of course I am beaming with pride because of the young woman she is and that she is blessed enough to be going to college. I was the only one from my immediate family to finish college and I want my nieces and nephews and of course my daughter to be able to have the opportunites that I had and really just the learning time, the growing time, the time to figure out what direction you want to go in. But at the least of all of this, the bottom line is that you have to have that piece of paper now just to make a salary to GET BY ON. Not be sucesssful and rise to the top with a mere bachelors degree. You have to have that now to just be able to get a decent job to survive! And the job market is so terrifying that even if you have great skills, a degree and you're smart and talented you may find it very difficult to find anything decent out there.
I know that this sounds bleak but I wish the best for my niece and I have faith that she will do well and find happiness in this crazy world.
I want so much to protect her from the bad and stupid things that I did in college. I want to say
1) Don't go to parties and just keep drinking until you black out, its pointless, stupid and it will do permanent damage to your liver
2) Don't trust guys!!! Always go to these parties with a girlfriend or SIX and come home with that girl or girls.
3) Take the amount of school work with a grain of salt, try to give your self rewards after you have finished a big paper, treat. yo. self!
4) You are probably going to get your heart broken very badly this is when it starts to get real because you consider marrying these guys you are dating in college, even if that doesn't happen, you will survive this heart ache and things will work out for the best. It is not the end of the world (like I thought it was)
5) Try not to drop out and think I'll go back when I am ready because chances are you will be 24 and have to move back in with your parents (like me) and everyone in your classes will be 18 year old idiots talking about scamming a way to get their fake ID to get into a bar you USED to work at! ( Oh sorry was I going off too much about myself!) hee hee
6) Call me before you want to experiment with "street drugs" - the lethal chemical combinations out there right now are so dangerous, deadly and insidious that apparently we have begun the zombie apocalypse with having people eating eachother, literally! ( more about this in my next post)
7) Don't just tough out serious bouts with depression. If you feel really scared and desperate - TELL SOMEONE!! My 20s were some of the most volatile times in my life. I am not ashamed nor embarrassed to admit that I was so ill sometimes that I wanted to die badly. It runs in my family and guess what? About a trillion other people have problems with depression and anxiety. There is real help out there and you don't need to suffer in silence or worse.
8) Don't work so much your college school work suffers and you start failing classes. This can lead to dropping out so you can live on your own. See #5
9) Enjoy this time of meeting so many new people, some of the friendships you make will last a lifetime. Once you have to join the dreaded rat race and become a grown up, you will miss this time when there was such an abundance of new people, ideas, music, art all around you.
10) TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT - that is God trying to protect you!


 I have to remind myself that my niece's situaiton is very different than my own. She is not moving into the dorms like I did, she will be staying at home, at least for now. That takes some of the worry away, but most of it is still there

Thursday, May 31, 2012

One Lovely Blog Award!

Thanks so much to Sherri over at MamaDiaries@blogspot.com for giving me the One Lovely Blog Award! I haven't received this honor before. I don't write as much as I used to, being a working mom of a 6 month old infant has well changed my life forever and completely but in the best ways possible. As I have already told you and as you can probably imagine I don't have much time anymore for my blog. But sometimes I remember it affectionately and I think I should write some of my funny experiences that have been happening lately or I should write about all the things on my mind like how I feel about my niece going off to college. Wow, well first of all I feel old. So I will get back into the swing of things and start-a-posting.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What LOVE looks like

I was watching this show for kids and the woman said No silly you can't see Love its something you feel. I think they have it all wrong. Like the Stevie Wonder song isn't She Lovely, he says, Isn't she Lovely? Made from Love. I would tell my baby girl to look in the mirror. I would tell her that she is made from love that she is love and that all the beauty and love in the universe exisits inside of her. Here are some pictures of what love looks like: The first one is my daughter, the others courtesy of facebook









Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Carlin genius

I love George Carlin. He was really smart and awake and really, really funny. But he was just telling us what was there right in front of us, right?


Thursday, April 12, 2012

role models?

I have been thinking a lot about who my role models have been growing up and how much they have shaped me. I can be quite dramatic and extreme and I blame it on being a Scorpio. I would love to think my heart and soul follow in the foot steps of people like Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., Maya Angelou, and John Lennon, because I want peace, I want what is right and for people to love one another and be happy. But then there is the other side, the angry or rebellious side who idenitifies more with Malcom X, Zach de la Rocha, William Burroghs. That is why I think my favorite artistic medium is comedy. The art of making other people laugh. You can use it in the most clever and creative ways to make people really think. You can send a deeper message and make them remember what you said if you make sure they are enjoying themselves at the same time. This is why I love Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, and George Carlin they are so smart and their writing speaks volumes about politics, racism, socio-economic ills, etc. I recently saw a post that Bill Cosby put on his facebook page about how he gets tweets from all these people who say that they thought of him as their Dad or their Grandpa or even now their great-grandpa! Wow, influence, to spread the message of love and hope across generations. So I have been wondering about this video I saw "the greatest speech ever made" and I found out it was from Charlie Chaplin's movie, "The Great Dictator" so now I have decided to start a new study of him, the great genius Chaplin.

Here is a very powerful and moving video that features that speech

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WibmcsEGLKo&feature=related

MORE SOLUTIONS!

Earlier I posted a zeitgesit movement video, this shows even more clearly where we could be headed if we really came together for the benefit of everyone. Scarcity is an evil illusion created by the current system. Abundance is what we really have..


http://www.thevenusproject.com/ 

Friday, April 6, 2012

The Return of Free for All Fridays

So I have been on a way too serious tip lately. And while that inner soul searching and quest for peace in this cruel world continues, I thought I would try to lighten things up a bit. I have a very busy two weekends ahead of me and I am exhausted. This weekend is Easter and Passover. Next weekend my sister comes with the kids. I am trying to remain calm and relaxed, all I want to do is take a nap.
So happy Easter and happy Passover.
I will share somethings I think are cool..

1) I love JcPenney's new prices - everyone should do this. No more 14.99 or 6.99, it is just 14 or 6
2) I love that I was raised Catholic and my husband is Jewish and it didn't stop us for one second from being able to coexisit and mutally respect one another's beliefs or traditions. We celebrate both holidays throughout the year and yes this gets tiresome because its always some holiday coming up..
3) I think as a world we all need to go back to basics and use common sense, seems like that has been lost
4) the best things in life aren't things!
5) I am going to try my damndest to get to happy hour later, I may pass out on the way in from being too tired




Wednesday, April 4, 2012

SOLUTIONS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amIpK9CVtt8

"This is WAR"

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to offend but if it offends you then, good, maybe you need it. :)

So I have been thinking about this cool Bjork song called "Army of Me" - if you don't know about Bjork's music then go online and listen to it and buy some. She is incredible. She says, "and if you complain one more time you will meet an army of me" I know what she means...we gripe, complain, grouse and for what? Do we really have problems? Sure some of us do, we can't pay our bills or afford to put gas in our cars. But what about not having clean drinking water, or not enough food or no place to live or a child that is fatally ill or dying. THOSE, my dear ones, are REAL PROBLEMS.

I have spent an enormous amount of time reading articles on the Internet. I have read incredibly ignorant, racist and downright stupid comments from people on many sites. Most of those same people reveal their stupidity through spelling and grammar errors as well. It seems like a wasteland of people just spouting idiotic comments that leave us all some how more stupid than we began. It reminds me of the movie Idiocracy, please help us all if that is a prophecy about our future! So I will turn all this rage into a ranting post about my war on ignorance.

A ton of the suffering, war, political fights are over religion and religious beliefs. First of all, we live in a land where everyone is allowed to believe in whatever they damn well please. We are F-R-E-E right? Are we?

John Lennon summed it all up in his song "Imagine". Here is a crazy idea: We are all one. We are all God's children. We all want to love and be loved. All we need to do is live in the moment. Try to follow our dreams and our heart.

So here is my WAR. I am declaring it today. My war is against the following: cruelty, ignorance, hate, greed, intolerance, impatience, abuse of power, perversion of what is sacred, brutality, bullying, lies, pride, ego, and most of all fear.

All of us can be all of the above, we are human, but I challenge everyone to really dig deep within and work on changing themselves. This is hard work. I mean the hardest thing you will ever do. If you are Christian then damn it, try to live like Christ. REALLY TRY IT. Its tough, can you forgive everyone? Everyone? Can you really? can you forgive yourself? If someone hit you in the face could you really turn the other cheek? I don't know if I could. Will you really try to feed the hungry and take care of the sick. Try living just like he did for just one day or a week. NOT EASY!!!!!!!

These are my weapons: My wisdom, intelligence, humor, writing, art and peaceful protest. Peacuful protest is technically a contradiction in terms or a oxymoron - like Peaceful Warrior. But that is what we must all be in this world. You have to be a warrior to protect what you love but your goal is peace. I have been thinking deep and hard and long about this for a long time and especially since the Occupy movement. It is a great idea and everyone got out there. And then came the brutality and the pepper spray and the abuse of  power.
(to read about peaceful warrior go to my previous post entitled "Happiness")


How many times do we have to go through this over and over. Did we not learn from the deaths of Martin Luther King Jr., or J.F.K? What about the monks setting themselves on fire in Vietnam or the massacre of Tiananmen Square. Or should we go to a larger scale of the Holocaust or the current holocausts and genocides happening in Africa. How many wars have to be fought? How many people have to be tortured and killed while the world watches before we learn and CHANGE for the better? Now that I have a child, my heart and soul cry out for their lives. The lives of the innocent among us. I am so deeply disturbed by the sex slave trade and the 21st century state of child slavery in general. These are our most wicked crimes. Our most insane and horrendous abuses of humanity.

Sometimes I get so hopeless and disturbed that I feel totally apathetic and I don't know how to go on. But I have to now, I have to go on and be a peaceful warrior and try very, very hard to make the world a better place for my little girl and all the children of the world.

"You may say that I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one..." - John Lennon












This is Sade's Soldier of Love video

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Vote

Spring has sprung, Easter is right around the corner but today I am urging you all to get out there and vote. Well at least the people that think exactly like me! Hahaha!

Here just a few spring pictures to brighten your day.



Friday, March 30, 2012

Happiness

I have been thinking of this idea of happiness and how we always seem to be chasing this idea. These are some reasons that I think I am happy and no, I am not by any means boasting or bragging. I am stating things that help me to stay positive and sane and of course..happy.

1) I try to keep things simple - this sounds easy and nice but it takes actual work. Life can become overwhelming and complicated but if you try to keep it simple then it will go much easier and smoother.

2) try to purge and constantly get rid of what you don't need, avoid becoming a hoarder!! All you have to do is watch an episode of Hoarders to know how out of control one's life and house can become. Since having a child I have acquired a ton of stuff in a very short time so my house has become a revolving door of things coming in and things going out. You can dontate your stuff to people/causes that desperately need it. Great way to appreciate how much you have and how blessed you really are!

3) I am madly in love with my husband and my little girl. That is it. Funny that most people don't want to be with the person they are with. Why? That seems sad. Maybe too many people want something until its theirs and then they don't want it anymore. That seems vapid and empty. The bottom line is that if you are unhappy change your situation. You can do it, limitation is an illusion. The divorce rate is 50% and marriage isn't sacred anymore. Well it is in my house!

4) I try to have an attitude of gratitude and I know how lucky and blessed I am and I thank God everyday. I am so very blessed to be healthy, to have a wonderful, gorgeous husband who loves me and to have been so blessed to have created a beautiful, happy, heatlhy little girl out of that love.

5) I am very creative and use my humor and wit everyday and apply it to most situations. This world can be a scary and cruel place sometimes you need to use your will, imagination, heart, humor and genius to survive.

6) I realize that I am a work in progress, I still have so much to learn even if I act like I know it all too much of the time.

7) I have a fierce appreciation for beauty. You can find it anywhere and everywhere. Music. Art. A flower. A moving piece of writing. A beautiful photograph. An inspiring movie. A good friend's soul.

8) I like things to be organized and clean (I am still working on this one!!)

9) I know that you have to love yourself before you can love other people. I don't know how many people really love and take care of themselves, its not easy sometimes. Especially when you need to take care of other people and I am learning that now being a parent.

10) I want the truth. I will seek it out and find it and tell it and live it. This is very difficult. It is easier to lie sometimes even to save someone's feelings from being hurt. Or to cover up something you aren't proud of. We ALL lie sometimes.

This is from my life purpse from the Peaceful Warrior's site. You can go to the site http://www.peacefulwarrior.com/ and click on Life Purpose and enter your birthday and read what it says. It is AMAZING!! Now I just have to find a way to have a lucrative career based solely on my creativity!

"Those on the 29/11 life path are here to combine creative energy with higher principles and integrity, finding ways to apply their creativity in service of others, aligned with higher wisdom. Such higher wisdom is revealed by spiritual laws, especially the laws 29/11s are here to live and learn. All 29/11s, along with other double 1s, have tremendous creative potential. But because their primary life purpose represents a kind of mountain to climb, they may not feel as creative as others who aren’t working 1 energy and who have few pressing issues or obstacles in that arena. Some 29/11s are still “stuck” working the 2 or 9 issues that precede the 11, which may block their awareness of the abundant energy available to them. Many 29/11s are extremely creative, but they have trouble handling the energy. Before 29/11s can open the floodgates of their inborn creative potential, they have to find themselves — their center, identity, balance, and boundaries. 29/11s display extraordinary potential; when they face their issues with awareness and commitment, they are among the most creative people on the planet. The energy of 2 entails a form of cooperation with others, and 29/11s are born to support humanity in ways both large and small. Whether businesspeople or healers, construction workers or hairdressers, mail clerks or athletes, they have the potential to bring the spark of creativity to life through their work, their hobbies, or their family life."

Funny Musings

So I don't have entire posts about these subjects but this is just funny observational comedy.

Is your penis caught in something?  I was listening to Prince the other days and he can really hit those high notes and then carry them for long periods. D'angelo can do this too. I used to say that it sounded like they got their penis caught in the elevator door or something.

Caught on camera: I hate red light cameras. I mean I really hate them. Whenever I get caught it isn't because I am speeding, it is because it is raining and the light turns yellow and instead of slamming on my brakes and swerving all over the road I want to continue through the intersection. Then you see the big FLASH of light and you know you have been caught. Then a couple weeks later you get that dreaded ticket in the mail and it has a picture of your rear license plate so there is no question it was your car's ass! Wouldn't it be hilarious if the picture caught your face in shock and horror when the camera flashed or screaming "FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCK" in slow motion as it happened. Cause that is how you feel and that is too funny.

Shoulder Spots I was getting ready to go somewhere the other day and I noticed that I had spots all over my shoulder. Then I realized that those were spots of drool mixed with sweet potatoes and I could not just rub that out. Hahaha. Ahh the joys of motherhood!


Wise words This is more of a witty quote of good old Jdracecar. Maybe someone else has said something similar but the more original I try to be the more I realize "its all been done"
I thought I was so clever when I said, mark my words when I say, "Soon they will start charging us for the air we breathe" then I used the magic of Google to see if anyone else had said the same thing. Turns out there are some Eminem lyrics that say something similar to that.

So here are some more of my words of wisdom

"if your motto is 'My way or the highway' most people are going to be on that highway and you will be traveling a lonely road" - Jdracecar (all rights reserved)  :)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Mega Millions

So I guess the mega millions is up to like 500 million or 500 gazillion or something like that. My husband bought a few tickets. And this DJ said she was going to write on her blog about how she would spend it and I thought that would be a great idea.
Here is the deal money can't buy you happiness. But it can buy you a ticket to paradise and great food and drink and if you do that with loved ones then that is heaven.

I would be smart and invest of course so that my daughter had a great future without having to worry

I would DONATE to people who really need it!! There are so many people in this world who don't even have clean drinking water or food to eat or basic heatlh care - I would GIVE AWAY a ton of it



I would buy a house in Hawaii and one in Italy and just go and travel to every fantantic, incredible and breath-takingly beautiful place I have ever wanted to go!!

I would eat at every freaking 5 star restaurant that I could never afford to "throw my money away on"

I would buy invest in AMERICAN made everything including safe, hand made toys for my baby

I would finally buy all that expensive organic food and be able to grocery shop at Whole Foods like the rest of the rich people

I would buy the new Prius that I want

I would be able to have free time to do what makes me happy - writing, reading, sampling new wines, eating great food, taking beautiful photographs

I would buy a my own vineyard (maybe with my house in Italy!)

I would publish my childrens book and work on my book of funny stories that I never get around to finishing

I would buy all the children's books that I want to buy Chloe and create a Beauty and the Beast type library for her

I would also buy all the books that are on my Amazon wish list cause I would finally have time to read them all

I would learn about everything I want to learn about - take classes learning about every kind of flower and how to grow them
I would have the most lush and gorgeous garden anyone could ever imagnine and maybe even learn how to be a beekeeper

I would be able to have XM radio and that Pandora thing everyone is always talking about

I would be able to get the clothes and shoes that I can't afford

I could finally have time to do all the projects, receipes and buy the art from pinterest that I will never get around to!

it would actually be hard because then I would have to REALLY WORK at creating and being creative and responsible with tons of money, a luxury most of us don't understand

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Most Inspirational Movies

Let me preface this by saying that this is my list, it is personal to me and some of you may not agree with it or want to add or make suggestions, well this isn't an AFI list,  this is MY list. This list is about me, a woman and an artist. So feel free to make your own. If you haven't seen some of these I highly recommend them. This is a very short list and there are many movies that moved me and changed me forever that I am sure I am leaving off a ton of them, but that is okay, since this is just for fun.

1) Shawshank Redemption - of course I have to put this one - cause it is one of the most heart breaking, liberating, break through movies of all time. It says so much about life, oppression, freedom and using your intellect, wit and wisdom to get out of a seemingly impossible situation. It is a masterpiece - everything about it.

2) This Boy's Life - this movie really disturbs me but that is the point - I really love Leo.

3) Crash - a very good look at how destructive we can be as a society and how you can turn things around if you really want to.

4) Vote for Me - this is a documentary about some elementary school kids having an election in their class in China. It is so well done and gives America a little peek inside a country most of us haven't visited.

5) Thelma and Louise - every woman out there should see this movie because it is that important.

6) Steel Magnolias- another must see if you are a woman and you want both a good laugh and a good cry

7) Dancer in the Dark - staring Bjork, most of you probably have not seen this movie. It is so beautiful, be prepared to cry your eyes out!

8) Fifty Dead Men Walking - again, most of you probably haven't seen this - its a great

9) The Constant Gardener - made me realize truths about the world that I don't think i was prepared to learn just like...

10) Hotel Rwanda - shocked and horrified to watch this movie about genocide that the world didn't seem to care about

11) Stand By Me - don't need to tell you why, movie says it all.

12) The Machinist - holy.shit. is all I have to say. This is a jaw dropper.

13) Once - great, little-known movie, great soundtrack too.

14) Pecker - great flick. Shout out to Baltimore. Love the message about being an artist in America.

15) Angels in America - this is a mini-series I think but it is so awesome and I had to include it to hopefully inspire someone to watch it.

16) Definance - I had a problem with the fact that they used a blond, blue-eyed goyim to be the leader of the Jewish people in this film but that is America for you. Do I have to remind you about Scarface or Last of the Mochicans?!


17) The Pianist - wow Adrien Brody. just wow. A story about one man's survival during the Holocaust.

18) Terms Of Endearment - I can't watch this movie because it is too sad, but I think everyone should and the messages about life are immeasureable. It also is a great picture of what life looked like in the 70s.

19) E.T - a classic every American must see.

20) What Dreams May Come - fantastic and beautiful - showing you what heaven and hell might actually be like

21) Finding Neverland - the story of author of Peter Pan - beautiful and heart breaking (I think I have said that many times on this list!) Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet are brillant and should do more movies together!

22) Amelie - another movie every girl should see

23) Their Eyes Are Watching God - this is a great movie starring Halle Berry based on a wonderful book I read in school. The problem was it was made for TV so not that many people probably saw it, or maybe they did, anyway it was great.

24) The Visitor - magnificent illustration of the struggle to be an immigrant in America.

25) Patch - a movie I think every doctor in America should see and LIVE BY! Maybe it would teach them to actally care about their patients, hmm...imagine that!

26) Never Ending Story- I think every child should see this movie, the moral - use your imagination to set yourself free

27) Dead Poets Society - awesome in every way

28) 7 pounds - love this movie so much, makes you think and think long after you see it, just like the Machinist - to think what would I do if that happened to me??

29) Erin Brokovich - I know that this movie may be cliche to some of you but the fact that it is based on a true story gave me so much hope about the power of good people and determination to never give up to help other people who didn't have a voice

30) Sicko - I was so moved by this movie I considered leaving America and its horrible, backwards, greed-driven medical insurance debacle, but I believe things can get better, I really hope they do.

31) Ray - this movie catapulted Jaime Fox into everyone's view and let his incredible talent shine so bright! I forgot I was watching Jaime cause you really start to believe he is Ray!

32) Little Children - a movie that really makes you think hard about being a grown up and our fears surrounding protecting our children from sexual predators

33) American Beauty -  a fantastic movie, exposing our fears, our lies and our misery. I had to study it in my film class at Montgomery College because it is such an important masterpiece.

side note: the following are all Clint Eastwood (director) movies - they are all wonderful, poignant, beautifully executed. AMAZING!!!!

34) Million Dollar Baby

35) HereAfter

36) Gran Torino

34) Changeling 







Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Sleep Deprivation: Funny and Dangerous

So I am going to make this a recurring post - funny stories from the sleep deprived. My husband and I do very funny things when we are so tired we can't see straight, literally. They have done studies on drivers who are severly sleep deprived and drunk and the sleep deprived were more dangerous than the drunk ones
Okay so here is the list and you can only imagine the funny insanity that ensued after all of these events.

1) Joe isn't a coffee drinker but I showed him how to make coffee in case I was feeding her and can't do it. So he "made it" one day and instead of pouring the water in the back he just put it on the plate and turned it on. So when this happens and you try to pour the water in - there is a big poof explosion of coffee grinds.

2) My sleepy husband did one of the messiest and most frustrating things you can ever do - dropped the wet coffee grinds all over the floor - which I am sure all of you have done at one point or another, you can't use a broom and a dishpan because it is wet and you have to somehow scoop it all up and get it back in the trash.
Sloppy diaster.

3) I pay bills wrong. I paid the gas bill to the credit card company. And wondered why there was a weird payment on my statement and had to figure out that I paid the wrong bill - you would think electronic bill pay couldn't be any more simple or easy. Well sleep deprived can screw up anything!!. I also paid the mortgage the wrong amount and had to go back and fix that mistake

4) I can't talk or form sentences clearly anymore. I have to take long pauses and try to get out what is in my head - out of my mouth! I can't remember things and have to constantly write everything down (even this funny list)

5) So this is probably the funniest and most ridiculous one. On Sunday I decided to go to Takoma Park to a great little speciality gift store that I love. I ran around the house trying to get everything ready and frantically screamed at my husband, "make sure everything is in the diaper bag!" he said "okay" but he was trying to get himself together to go somewhere else. So I get down there and we are in the store and baby girl is grunting away and I am sure she is making a #2. So I quickly pay and get to the car and realize I have burp cloths, changing pads, an emergency bottle, extra outfits, wipes, toys, but NO DIAPERS and NO TEETHING RINGS. the only 2 things I actually need. So we packed her up and went home and she hadn't pooped yet thank goodness.

The moral of the story is get more sleep and slow down. Approaching chaos and a million thingg to do with a calm, rational, had-sleep head is much better than a crazy, scatter-brain, caffeine soaked, sleep deprived MESS!!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Baby Pictures - Almost 4 months

Okay, Okay, I know this is what you all want, so here are some recent pictures of my angel girl! She is almost 4 months ( I can't believe it) LOVE HER!!



Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I'm Bringing FUNNY Back

So like the song, "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" from our little J T-Lake, I am bringing the FUNNY back. I am sorry I had to have so many angry, sad and serious posts. But Life is everything, sad, bad, sorrowful, painful and also joyful, happy and filled with laughter. I love all things funny and making people laugh so I will try to get back to that. I will also post some recent baby pictures cause I know all of you would rather see those then read my ramblings.

I can't believe that I am only 34 and since I have had a child I feel like now I have the body of a 85 year old. Well people are looking younger and younger these days, maybe I look like a 95 year old!
I had huge boobs before I was pregnant and they just got bigger when I was pregnant. I had to wear a giant maternity bra that I had to order. Then they didn't go back to their original size after I had her, they are somewhere in between. They are also MUCH, MUCH lower! My sister said her boobs looked like ballons that had had the air let out of them after she had breast fed her children. She had little boobies, I had huge ones so I figured I would fair better. Nope, they aren't wrinked up but they sure are headed south, WAY DOWN SOUTH!!
I had enormous stretch marks that covered my belly and after I had her my belly just looks like a jiggly mess. Kind of like those people on Biggest Loser after they lose all the weight and have tons of loose skin hanging - yeah, that is what it looks like with a bunch of cellulite in there too. Sexy right?
And its really not fair because I gained the LEAST amount of weight possible during my pregnancy. I only gained about 30-35 pounds! That is incredible and amazing compared to some other women who gain 60 pounds during their pregnancy. But sadly, I was overweight before I had her and I was what they call a "mature mother" cause I was 33, yeah, super OLD to be having a baby. Its just ridiculous. So now I have to spend a ton of energy trying to get my body back into shape. Some sort of acceptable shape, like actual shape, not fit, I am just trying to look normal damn it!!

As a result of this extreme metamorphosis that my body went through, I had to buy new bras and new pants. But it didn't end there. I also had to buy new shoes. That's right. For some women your feet grow. You go up a 1/2 size or a whole size. Well, I was a 9 or 10 in women's before I had her. Now I am a 10 1/2 or 11 in womens. So imagine my horror as I realized I couldn't wear any of my shoes either!! I had to go out and buy all new shoes as well. It is very expensive to have a child, not only all the things you have to buy for them but all the things you have to buy for your ever-changing body!!

During my pregnancy I also went out and bought myself some nice HUGE "granny panties" so that I would be comfortable. I am still wearing these giant underwear after having her cause they cover more surface area! I also still wear some of my maternity clothes cause they are so roomy and comfy. Especially my Old Navy maternity yoga pants. These were probably my best purchase during those long 9 months.

So I will include the hilarious scene from Zach and Miri Make a Porno, called "Granny Panties" - you probably won't get it unless you see the movie. Disclaimer: I love this movie so much and I hate all and everything to do with porn but this movie is funny and cute. So if you haven't seen it, definitely get it and watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HAymcYLBlE



Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Versatile Blog Award

A big thanks to Ruth at http://ruth-welcometome.blogspot.com/ for giving me the Versatile Blog Award!
So now I need to include 15 worth blogs - I am going to do 5 and 7 things about myself

These blogs are my favorite and if you aren't already following then you need to be!!

1) Deviled Megs:  http://www.deviledmegs.com/
2) Laughing My Abs Off: http://laughingmyabsoff.blogspot.com/
3) Its An Average Life: http://goodgirlgoneaverage.blogspot.com/
4) Ow, my Angst!: http://karensomethingorother.blogspot.com/
5) Life By Chocolate: http://rawknrobyn.blogspot.com/

Here are 7 things about me:

1) I was born with only 3 wisdom teeth so I am evolved, but they were still impacted so I had to have that awful surgery
2) I used to go to Ohio University for a little while
3) I love art
4) When I was small I called Rob Lowe, Rob Lobe because I thought that was his name and since my sister loved Rob Lobe I decided I would marry his younger brother Chad Lobe
5) Not all people can curl their tongue and do the "Spock" hand - I can do both!
6) I really love flowers but don't know enough about them, I wish I could just take a class on flowers and I would if I had time!
7)"Raising Arizona" is my favorite movie

Best Friends

I think I have mentioned this in my blog before, but most of you don't know about it. When I was 14, my best friend Niccole passed away. My daughter is named after her Chloe Niccole.
The other day, Mayim Bilak was on a morning news show talking about her most recent book. She raises her children with attachment parenting but this is extreme "attachment parenting", she breastfeeds past 3 years old, co-sleeps and home schools and allows the children to dictate the curriculum. I think all of this is very interesting and she is a very smart woman and I respect her, but all that parenting stuff can be dealt with in another post.
They showed a picture of her when she was in the movie "Beaches" she played a young Bette Midler. I didn't realize that was her, I knew her from Blossom and love watching her now on Big Bang Theory. Anyway, it reminded me of my best friend and ironically, we had just had a sleep over and watched Beaches right before she passed away. I saw it the first time in the movie theater and cried my freaking eyes out.
It is a heart warming, tear jerker about two best friends. I really miss my friend and that is something that is filled with too much pain, love, grief, sadness, and joy to put into words.

Friday, March 2, 2012

My Soap Box rant

As most of you know I am a big liberal but I am also a feminist. I am a supporter of love, kindness, women's rights, common sense. I want civil rights for ALL human beings. That means ALL!!! No matter what race or sexual orientation. Here are some things that have been on my mind lately:

1) Women should be raised to love themselves unconditionally, no matter what size or shape
2) I love Dove's campaign for real beauty that celebrates the way "real" women look
3) I love Ellen Degeneres, I love what she stands for I love her comedy, I love how much she loves others, I love that she helps others so much.
4) I recently found out that the Superman comic came out with an edition that supported civil rights and taught kids it was wrong to hate. I love this concept. Reaching kids and showing that their superhero that they emulate, believes in WHAT IS RIGHT!!!
5) I believe in using your mind and valuing intelligence is something that is being lost in our society. It isn't cool to be "dumb" or "mean" and this is something that I will teach my daughter over and over again. It is COOL to be smart and to love books and ultimately knowledge is power!
6) I saw a bumper sticker that says "I am already against the next war" - I love this so much. And a friend of mine posted a sign on his page that said, "They lied to us about Iraq and they are lying to us about Iran" - yes, yes they are!
7) this is an election year and the war between "right wing" and "left wing" people is boiling over. You know I am a big liberal. I support Obama. I always have and always will!
8) I have been watching some very disturbing "conspiracy" theory videos about Chemtrails and 9/11. Lets just say the truth is MUCH STRANGER and SHOCKING than fiction and I will always seek out the truth about anything.
9) in one of these videos Prince, (whom I love) was saying that there were like 8 presidents before George Washington. Just more proof that we were fed a bunch of crazy lies when we were kids about this country's history.
10) This recent crap about not letting women testify in the hearings about women's access to contraception is completlety unacceptable and makes me so furious I can't even see straight! We have to stand up for our rights as women. We make the world go round. We are the smarter sex. No women, no more humans! REMEMBER?! Yet, we live in a man's world and a group of old, white men are supposedly in charge of deciding what we can and can't do with our bodies? HELL NO! All of my doctors are women and I go to them because I know they understand a woman's body more than a man and they LISTEN and they care more than a man. Sorry men, I love you but you have a bad track record with me. Women are abused, taken for granted, beaten, raped, disrespected, in some areas of the world they are set on fire because their husbands "suspect" they are unfaithful and that is completely accepted there. We are brain washed to believe we need to be skinny and "pretty" to be loved. I am going to be the change I want to see in the world (Ghandi quote). I am here to say, NO! We are wonderful, loving, funny, filled with love. We take care of men, raise the children and the next generation. So be good to women everywhere! ALL THE TIME!!!!

That is enough of my soap box rant for now. I could go on and on all day. And I will, just later! HAHA


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Blogging World - not so much!

I have been negligent with my blog. But I am just really disillusioned by the whole blogging world as a whole. It just seems like a bunch of people talking on and on about themselves and I find that to be really narcissistic and ridiculous. Don't get me wrong I have "met" some really amazing people and I appreciate you but I don't know if I am going to continue writing HERE in this forum. I will keep writing cause it is good for me, but yesterday I posted TWICE, once about suicide and once about reckless and dangerous driving. Not one person commented and I don't know if anyone read it, except for maybe one facebook friend. So I am just "too through" as we say in my office. Have fun bloggers, I am tired.
And to make matters worse the blogger site is always acting up and not acting right. Ugh!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

History Repeating Itself

I am having one of the happiest times of my life. So much amazement, joy and so, so much boundless love. I like to talk about that and celebrate that as much as I can. But very sad and worrisome things are happening everyday too. I have already posted about Joe's best friend, Brian who is battling leukemia right now at John Hopkins. My best friend's aunt Ann, was in a horrific car accident and is currently on life support in Virginia. The other thing that happened when I was on maternity leave was that my niece, Jessica, lost a close friend to suicide. I was deeply saddened when I found this out. I have had too much experience with this issue. When I was in high school a good friend tried to take her life. Then the next year, my close friend attempted as well. My dad's little brother died by taking his own life. I have struggled with depression myself and it has been so crippling and painful that I have wanted to end my life before. It is a very dark place that I don't like to talk about, but we have to talk about it. People have to know that they are not alone when they are feeling like this. There is help out there and people need to know that they can be honest about how they are feeling and how much pain they are in. When my niece posted a picture of this beautiful girl and Pink's video "Perfect" all I could do is cry. My heart is breaking for her family and her friends.
I volunteered for a organization called the Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program. I did the walk, I raised money and attended services. It was such a journey in healing but it was so sad and painful too to see these other families who have lost someone they loved so deeply to suicide. I love the site Post Secret because they post about suicide prevention and the hot line number so that people who are desperate or considering it can reach out and just talk to someone.
The ignorance and stigma attached to depression and anxiety and all mental illness is still very present. There has been a lot of progress about educating people about depression but people still don't respect it as a very powerful disease. If your liver or kidney were failing people wouldn't judge you and say well just stop your kidney or liver from failing you. Yet people still think people can "get over it" and "stop being sad". Then they wake up when someone takes their life. People shouldn't have to DIE before people wake up and realize that it is a real, debilitating disease that robs you of the ability to function, feel like yourself, feel joy the way you used to. There are many REAL physical symptoms of depression as well. Body aches, extreme fatigue, irritability, etc. So please educate yourself and have compassion for others. Too many people are crying out inside for help and some of them die before they are really heard or listened to or taken seriously. I will continue to stand as an advocate for all of those who suffer like I did and I will send a message of love and understanding to others to say I know it is hard, but if you can just hang on one more day and get help, there are wonderful, smart, loving people out there who want to help you and who will!! Here is a picture of my niece's friend, Tegan

Unconscious behind the Wheel

Disclaimer: I am very disgruntled, angry and I curse a lot in this post. Sorry if you are seeing a side of me you haven't seen before.

I know that I have a ton of road rage issues that I need to keep under control. It is so hard, they became out of hand when I was pregnant. I felt like so many more potentially dangerous driving situations were thrown at me and I really did not want to get into a car accident. One Friday I was driving home and a Peter Pan bus just starting coming into my lane, I had to swerve into the left land to avoid getting demolished. I was so irate after being so scared and almost crashing that I contacted the company repeatedly and filed a complaint. I emailed and called and left many messages. Someone from the company finally got back to me days and days later and apologized for the driver and told me that the information would be given to their supervisor. I hope they aren't still driving. I am in so many situations where people are driving erractically and out of control and I can't call the police and give them the tag number. Believe me I have tried. They tell me that it has to be actively happening and then they will see if there is an officer in the area who can respond to it. Well that isn't going to help. If I see a drunk driver or if someone is aggressively driving, I can't call right then and report them, then I am on a cell phone too and they aren't going to be able to come to where I am cause most likey the person will have stopped doing it by then as well. There needs to be a way to report these people and there needs to be something done about it!
The other thing that makes me so very furious is when people flash their headlights and ride your ass. You can't bully me into going faster and I may have been forced to get into the left lane temporarily so just calm your ass down and go around me. WHERE IS THE FIRE PEOPLE??! This drives me insane. NO ONE SHOULD EVER FLASH THEIR HIGHBEAMS AT SOMEONE ELSE EVER!!
One man did it to me and I then got behind him and did it right back so what does he do? Slams on his brakes and trys to cause me to crash into him, luckily I didn't crash into him. And then when I finally passed him later he gave me the finger - really? You started that crap mister and then when I gave it right back to you, you were so incensed that you almost caused an accident. Hmmm...maybe you shouldn't have done that shit to me in the first place, huh? People are so ridiculous.

On Friday when I was coming home, there was a huge Land Rover in front of me that kept drifting into the middle lane over and over again. I knew from just driving behind them that the person was texting. They could have easily been drunk or falling asleep but I knew if I got along side them they were going to be texting. First of all let me say that I DESPISE huge SUVs. They are obnoxious gas guzzlers and should be outlawed and banned. Sorry that is how I feel. I had already been honking and honking behind her and I pulled up next to her and there she was texting away not even looking at the damn road! I honked and honked and screamed at her, "you are going to kill somebody! STOP TEXTING" she continued to ignore me and just gave me the finger. Nice. You stupid idiot, you are so dangerous and selfish and I hate you so much and there is nothing I can do to stop you!!!
What could I do report her? Nope! I tried and they gave me the same speech about how it had to be happening right then for them to send someone out. I am just so sick of this behavior. Have we become so unconscious that we are driving around in our huge fucking SUVs and texting!! She may as well have been blind folded behind the wheel! Complete disregard for anyone else's safety. I am sick to death of this shit. Please I am begging anyone who reads this, PLEASE don't talk on your phone whlie driving unless its an emergency and Please for the love of all the little children out there, DO NOT text and drive!! There shouldn't even have to be laws about this, because it is just common sense not to do something like this!

Recently, Joe's friends son was killed in a horrible car accident on a major highway in Baltimore, MD. He was 5 years old. His name was Jake. And my friend Beth's aunt was just in a horrible car accident as well and is on life support right now. These two tradegies really hit home for me and they reinforce my deep seated fears about being out on the road. I have been in an accident on the highway and two cars hit us going 60+ miles per hour. My dad saved our lives, but it could have ended very differently. It is a terrifying feeling that I never want to have ever again.  I will be praying every time I get in the car and go anywhere. Especially with my daughter in the car.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Praying for Time

Life is hard enough, you should have to fight for it with all of your might. Sometimes you do. Joe's best friend, Brian was diagnosed with leukemia and decided to get married over the weekend, on Saturday. It was a beautiful way to spend his last day before entering John Hopkins for his treatment. He and his new bride have a very positive outlook and I am so impressed by his courage and strength. After a very scary time in the hosptal during the birth and recovery, I never want to go back to a hospital ever again. I hate it all so much. I am trying to be strong for my husband who I know is so scared and who is hurting to think of what his best friend has to go through. Please say a prayer for us during this very difficult time.

Two songs that I keep thinking of are "Praying for Time" by George Michael and "Hear my Call" by Jill Scott. Two songs that say all the my heart and soul are feeling right now.

Here is a picture of Joe and Brian before the wedding.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Ua6L-DwVQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtapoGukzCA

Happy Valentines Day!


Happy Valentines Day Everyone! I have so much to post about but I need to set aside some time and just talk about the new love of my life, my little girl and my wonderful and amazing husband. I always dreamed one day I would have a family and I am so blessed every day. Thank you, God. Thank you for a healthy, gorgeous little girl. Thank you for a loving, supportive, handsome and funny man.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

My "Someday" is NOW

So I have been thinking a lot lately about how amazing this little girl is and how grateful I am to have her and my husband. For so long I thought and said aloud, "Well SOMEDAY when I am married and..." And "SOMEDAY when I have a child...." my "SOMEDAY" is now, and I want to cherish every moment with this little miracle that was given to me. Its tough, I mean its the hardest and most challenging job I have ever tackled. Especially trying to juggle being a working mom. My wonderful husband works on Saturday and is a stay at home Dad Tues.-Friday and I am very blessed to be able to work from home on Monday. Everyone keeps telling me how fast their childhood goes by, well I need to get REALLY good at practicing being present in the moment and focusing on maximizing my joy and really allowing all this happiness to fill my days. For such a long time I thought I would never get married and I was going to be 45 and alone and maybe I would adopt a child one day. I made a big bold move when I hit on my husband online and I was terrified he would not write me back or be an a-hole or I would fall for him and he would reject me. But I didn't let the fear stop me and look how lucky I am! I was so terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, I didn't know how I was going to get through it and it was hard and painful and scary but I survived. I made it through and this little girl is truly the greatest gift I could every receive. She is so sweet and beautiful and amazing and perfect. She is everything. I recently said on facebook book that I knew I was getting old and turning into my mother when I had yelled at speeders and bought a Mary Engelbreit Calendar. One of the months says, "Everything in the world is just right outside your comfort zone ~ Every single thing you could possibly want!!!" - Jaime Lee Curtis. Well that Jaime Lee is one smart cookie. I have to remind myself to add her children's books to my Amazon wish list - they are very positive and self-esteem boosting. One is called "I like Me". But this message is something that I struggle with because I like comfort and I like my comfort zone even more. I like to play it safe and take the path of least resistance when I can. But fear can hold you back and it can prevent you from having the thing you want the most, for me it was love and a family. When we decided to start to try to get pregnant, I knew that my life was going to change 100% and Pink's song "Glitter in the Air" was always on the radio. There is a line that says, "Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care" - it gave me chills and that song made me cry because that is exactly what I had to do. I had to look all of my self doubt and fear and demons in the face and say NO! I am going forward, boldly, aggressively forward toward a kind of bliss I haven't known before. A kind of joy and wonder and happiness only heaven can give me and damn it, fear you aren't going to stand in my way or stop me!! So that is my inspiration and motivation for myself today and every day. Today I say to my friends, "Use the force Luke!!" And go out and live that good life because it IS POSSIBLE!!

Here is one of the latest pictures of my cutie bootie!!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

A letter to my Parents

Now that I am a parent, I am going to repost a letter I wrote to my parents for the 30 day challenge a long time ago. I appreciate all my parents did for me so much more that I now know how hard it is to be a parent - the hardest, most exhausting and the greatest, most exhilarating and wonderful job in the world!

Day 24 - a letter to your parents




Dear Mom and Dad,



This is going to be a letter of gratitude and reflection. I write this ironically enough, on my parents anniversary. I commend you for staying together for 40+ years, through it all.



Mom, thanks for being such a good Mommy. For all the encouragement and hugs and all the unconditional love. I thought that I couldn't live without you when I was little. I had some major attachment issues. I thought as long as you were there that everything would be okay. I had to grow up and learn how to live in the world without you always around. Thank you so much for loving me so much. Telling me I was beautiful and smart and funny. Thank you for being so sympathetic when I was hurting and in pain. Thank you for making dinner every night and making sure we were heatlhy. I know that my deep love and compassion I get from you. I remember we were on a train going to Boston and I remember that there was a stranger who was really upset and crying. You hugged them and held them and when you came back to our seat I asked you what the problem was and you said that they had just found out that their mother had died. I hope that I can be this loving to others everyday. I try to be. Thanks for telling me to believe in myself and think positively and to try my best. Thanks for being fun and silly with us when we were kids. I remember laying opposite and playing the "chin game" where we would look at our chins upside down like they were the face. We could do this for like an hour just cracking up and laughing. Thank you so much for reading to me all the time. I remember all the countless books and how I loved to listen to you and look at the pictures. Especially our favorite, my favorite children's book, The Maggie B.! Thank you for giving me my love of nature. Thanks for teaching me about art and giving me my artistic abilities. For driving us around, for listening, for being there, buying me clothes, taking me to the doctors, taking care of me when I was sick, giving me so much comfort, for PAYING ATTENTION and CARING SO DEEPLY about me!! Thank you for EVERYTHING, for raising three crazy girls and putting up with all of our stuff. I know that was hard and exhausting!



Dad, thanks for always knowing how to fix things! Its been really hard to be on my own and not have you around when my car breaks or my toliet breaks or the kitchen sink or the toaster, the WHATEVER is always breaking down or needs a part and I don't know how to do it! Thanks for helping me with my dreaded math homework. Even in college, when I had to move home and finish my degree, you would stay up and help me with Statistics which was a nightmare! Thanks for teaching me about the world and the universe, about how things work. I would take your National Geographics and gain a lot of knowledge and inspiration about the vastness of the world and the universe. Thanks also for sharing your love for nature. You and Mom always had a heathly garden and you would be out there working so hard, cutting the grass and growing beautiful flowers as well as vegetables and herbs. It wasn't taken for granted. Thanks for being the provider and for managing to raise three girls on one salary for all those years! Wow, that I know was hard and exhausting as well. I know that I have learned discipline, determination and my more pragmatic and practical side from you. Thanks for teaching me games and playing them with me. Its funny that you are playing these same games with your grandchildren. I learned most of my card games from you. It was fun to do the "mini page" with you and try to find all the hidden items. Thank you for being there, paying for everything that I couldn't like when I crashed the car when I was in highschool, helping me pay for college, for guiding me, washing the cars, telling me corny jokes, being proud of my good grades, telling me I was smart. Thank you for EVERYTHING too.



Our parents give us everything they have and put our happiness before their own. We can't thank them enough and words can't express how much we love them and appreciate them.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Confessions of a new Mom



Let me start off my saying I am aware that I hardly ever post and I knew that when I had a child I wouldn't have time to do the "extra" things in my life that aren't a part of keeping her alive and happy and keeping everything else together so that I manage to make it to work and somehow eat and maybe take a shower and do it all again.

I could spend many posts telling you all about my traumatic labor/birth. I could go on and on for days telling you about my long, scary and painful recovery in the hospital and at home. I could also mention how my HR at my office managed to leave me completey in the dark about my maternity leave causing me so much stress and endless hours dealing with their bullshit.

But I won't do that. Because that is giving energy to so much negativity and that isn't what is important. What is important is that I was given a gorgeous, healthy little girl and she makes me so happy. There is a quote that when you have a child you wear your heart on the outside. Well it is more like your heart AND SOUL on the outside. She is a manifestiation, living proof of my love, my prayers, the best and most exquisite beauty from within. I am not a very religious person. I was raised Catholic and I have a deep and powerful belief in God but I don't go to church anymore or belong to a church. That being said, having this child has been one of the most wonderful spiritual experiences of my life. Words can not express the magnitude of the joy or the wonder. But I am humbled by all of it and I am grateful for it. As much as I complain about the pain of pregnancy and child birth, I know that men can't fully understand what it means to create a human inside of you to be two beings at once and then to give this person life. A woman is a very miraculous being and we should be given the utmost respect and praise that we truly deserve!!

Having a child is like something cracking open your chest to let all the love and light out and this little being is smiling at you and is so precious and wonderful.

Ok, there is some of the deep and serious stuff and now for a little of the funny. That is what I want to do with this blog - BRING THE FUNNY.

My little girl just had her 2 month birthday and in those first few weeks, it is a whirl wind of extreme sleep deprivation, crying, boobs, tubes, brest pumps, endless loads of laundry, pacifiers that just fall out or get spit out, lots and lots of pee pee and poopy diapers, spit up, so much spit up and now, more and more beautiful smiles and cooing.

Most days I wouldn't sleep very much at all, every one tells you to sleep when they sleep but you have to use that time to make more bottles, clean and sterilize the bottles, clean the brest pumps parts, take a shower, eat, do laundry, and more laundry and oh AS SOON as you put stuff in the washing machine, she spits up on her outfit and pees and poops on her changing pad cover and spits up on some more burp cloths. Every time you turn around you are starting another pile that is dirty or needs to get folded and put away.

Sometimes your eyes are stinging from no sleep and your changing a poopy diaper and the poop just keeps coming so you are trying to get her clean and as soon as you get it all cleaned up here comes another big amount of squishy green sticky smelly poo and then you look up at her face and she has just spit up at the same time! WHEW! You have to laugh at the overwhelmed-ness of these times with your newborn. It is amazing how such a tiny little being can cause so much change, require so much attention and time, but that is fueled by love. A lot of days you haven't slept or eaten and you are running on "fumes", there is no back up tank, its just love. I have two older sisters with 2 kids each and I thought I had seen it all and I knew so much about taking care of children and babies. It is DIFFERENT when you are now the parent and this little life is totally dependent on you and everything they do makes you worry. Is that too much spit up? Is she constipated but not all the way but just partially constipated? Is that poop the right color? Is she too hot, too cold, I am not sure of any of the above cause SHE CAN'T TELL ME!
Or when you are driving and you can't even see her because the safety and law require you to have a rear-facing car seat that will probably save her life if there was an accident but now she is coughing and you are terrified she might be choking and you are just obliviously driving along down the road. Joe and I have both pulled over to get out and check on her. IT IS HARD, so much HARDER than anyone can tell you. There are millions of books about babies and children, but every child is different and they are right - "they don't come with a manual!!"

Every thing has a time limit and a weight limit. She is already 11 pounds or so and we can only use her bassinet until she is 15 pounds. Then it will be time for a new car seat. She is continually busting out of her clothes, she is 2 months but wearing her 3 month old clothes. She has long legs and long feet just like her Mommy so I have to try to stay ahead of the game and already have a ton of clothes to give away.

I could keep writing all day, but I think I will take a break for now. But I will come back in an exhausted haze someday soon and tell you all about my latest adventures in parenthood!