Tuesday, January 31, 2012

My "Someday" is NOW

So I have been thinking a lot lately about how amazing this little girl is and how grateful I am to have her and my husband. For so long I thought and said aloud, "Well SOMEDAY when I am married and..." And "SOMEDAY when I have a child...." my "SOMEDAY" is now, and I want to cherish every moment with this little miracle that was given to me. Its tough, I mean its the hardest and most challenging job I have ever tackled. Especially trying to juggle being a working mom. My wonderful husband works on Saturday and is a stay at home Dad Tues.-Friday and I am very blessed to be able to work from home on Monday. Everyone keeps telling me how fast their childhood goes by, well I need to get REALLY good at practicing being present in the moment and focusing on maximizing my joy and really allowing all this happiness to fill my days. For such a long time I thought I would never get married and I was going to be 45 and alone and maybe I would adopt a child one day. I made a big bold move when I hit on my husband online and I was terrified he would not write me back or be an a-hole or I would fall for him and he would reject me. But I didn't let the fear stop me and look how lucky I am! I was so terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, I didn't know how I was going to get through it and it was hard and painful and scary but I survived. I made it through and this little girl is truly the greatest gift I could every receive. She is so sweet and beautiful and amazing and perfect. She is everything. I recently said on facebook book that I knew I was getting old and turning into my mother when I had yelled at speeders and bought a Mary Engelbreit Calendar. One of the months says, "Everything in the world is just right outside your comfort zone ~ Every single thing you could possibly want!!!" - Jaime Lee Curtis. Well that Jaime Lee is one smart cookie. I have to remind myself to add her children's books to my Amazon wish list - they are very positive and self-esteem boosting. One is called "I like Me". But this message is something that I struggle with because I like comfort and I like my comfort zone even more. I like to play it safe and take the path of least resistance when I can. But fear can hold you back and it can prevent you from having the thing you want the most, for me it was love and a family. When we decided to start to try to get pregnant, I knew that my life was going to change 100% and Pink's song "Glitter in the Air" was always on the radio. There is a line that says, "Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care" - it gave me chills and that song made me cry because that is exactly what I had to do. I had to look all of my self doubt and fear and demons in the face and say NO! I am going forward, boldly, aggressively forward toward a kind of bliss I haven't known before. A kind of joy and wonder and happiness only heaven can give me and damn it, fear you aren't going to stand in my way or stop me!! So that is my inspiration and motivation for myself today and every day. Today I say to my friends, "Use the force Luke!!" And go out and live that good life because it IS POSSIBLE!!

Here is one of the latest pictures of my cutie bootie!!

2 comments:

  1. you've got a wonderful life & so many of your dreams have come true. that's a fantastic place to be!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Sherilin, I have to remind myself to have an attitude of gratitude when life's challenges get me down. I am so blessed in a million ways!

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