Thursday, February 16, 2012

Blogging World - not so much!

I have been negligent with my blog. But I am just really disillusioned by the whole blogging world as a whole. It just seems like a bunch of people talking on and on about themselves and I find that to be really narcissistic and ridiculous. Don't get me wrong I have "met" some really amazing people and I appreciate you but I don't know if I am going to continue writing HERE in this forum. I will keep writing cause it is good for me, but yesterday I posted TWICE, once about suicide and once about reckless and dangerous driving. Not one person commented and I don't know if anyone read it, except for maybe one facebook friend. So I am just "too through" as we say in my office. Have fun bloggers, I am tired.
And to make matters worse the blogger site is always acting up and not acting right. Ugh!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

History Repeating Itself

I am having one of the happiest times of my life. So much amazement, joy and so, so much boundless love. I like to talk about that and celebrate that as much as I can. But very sad and worrisome things are happening everyday too. I have already posted about Joe's best friend, Brian who is battling leukemia right now at John Hopkins. My best friend's aunt Ann, was in a horrific car accident and is currently on life support in Virginia. The other thing that happened when I was on maternity leave was that my niece, Jessica, lost a close friend to suicide. I was deeply saddened when I found this out. I have had too much experience with this issue. When I was in high school a good friend tried to take her life. Then the next year, my close friend attempted as well. My dad's little brother died by taking his own life. I have struggled with depression myself and it has been so crippling and painful that I have wanted to end my life before. It is a very dark place that I don't like to talk about, but we have to talk about it. People have to know that they are not alone when they are feeling like this. There is help out there and people need to know that they can be honest about how they are feeling and how much pain they are in. When my niece posted a picture of this beautiful girl and Pink's video "Perfect" all I could do is cry. My heart is breaking for her family and her friends.
I volunteered for a organization called the Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program. I did the walk, I raised money and attended services. It was such a journey in healing but it was so sad and painful too to see these other families who have lost someone they loved so deeply to suicide. I love the site Post Secret because they post about suicide prevention and the hot line number so that people who are desperate or considering it can reach out and just talk to someone.
The ignorance and stigma attached to depression and anxiety and all mental illness is still very present. There has been a lot of progress about educating people about depression but people still don't respect it as a very powerful disease. If your liver or kidney were failing people wouldn't judge you and say well just stop your kidney or liver from failing you. Yet people still think people can "get over it" and "stop being sad". Then they wake up when someone takes their life. People shouldn't have to DIE before people wake up and realize that it is a real, debilitating disease that robs you of the ability to function, feel like yourself, feel joy the way you used to. There are many REAL physical symptoms of depression as well. Body aches, extreme fatigue, irritability, etc. So please educate yourself and have compassion for others. Too many people are crying out inside for help and some of them die before they are really heard or listened to or taken seriously. I will continue to stand as an advocate for all of those who suffer like I did and I will send a message of love and understanding to others to say I know it is hard, but if you can just hang on one more day and get help, there are wonderful, smart, loving people out there who want to help you and who will!! Here is a picture of my niece's friend, Tegan

Unconscious behind the Wheel

Disclaimer: I am very disgruntled, angry and I curse a lot in this post. Sorry if you are seeing a side of me you haven't seen before.

I know that I have a ton of road rage issues that I need to keep under control. It is so hard, they became out of hand when I was pregnant. I felt like so many more potentially dangerous driving situations were thrown at me and I really did not want to get into a car accident. One Friday I was driving home and a Peter Pan bus just starting coming into my lane, I had to swerve into the left land to avoid getting demolished. I was so irate after being so scared and almost crashing that I contacted the company repeatedly and filed a complaint. I emailed and called and left many messages. Someone from the company finally got back to me days and days later and apologized for the driver and told me that the information would be given to their supervisor. I hope they aren't still driving. I am in so many situations where people are driving erractically and out of control and I can't call the police and give them the tag number. Believe me I have tried. They tell me that it has to be actively happening and then they will see if there is an officer in the area who can respond to it. Well that isn't going to help. If I see a drunk driver or if someone is aggressively driving, I can't call right then and report them, then I am on a cell phone too and they aren't going to be able to come to where I am cause most likey the person will have stopped doing it by then as well. There needs to be a way to report these people and there needs to be something done about it!
The other thing that makes me so very furious is when people flash their headlights and ride your ass. You can't bully me into going faster and I may have been forced to get into the left lane temporarily so just calm your ass down and go around me. WHERE IS THE FIRE PEOPLE??! This drives me insane. NO ONE SHOULD EVER FLASH THEIR HIGHBEAMS AT SOMEONE ELSE EVER!!
One man did it to me and I then got behind him and did it right back so what does he do? Slams on his brakes and trys to cause me to crash into him, luckily I didn't crash into him. And then when I finally passed him later he gave me the finger - really? You started that crap mister and then when I gave it right back to you, you were so incensed that you almost caused an accident. Hmmm...maybe you shouldn't have done that shit to me in the first place, huh? People are so ridiculous.

On Friday when I was coming home, there was a huge Land Rover in front of me that kept drifting into the middle lane over and over again. I knew from just driving behind them that the person was texting. They could have easily been drunk or falling asleep but I knew if I got along side them they were going to be texting. First of all let me say that I DESPISE huge SUVs. They are obnoxious gas guzzlers and should be outlawed and banned. Sorry that is how I feel. I had already been honking and honking behind her and I pulled up next to her and there she was texting away not even looking at the damn road! I honked and honked and screamed at her, "you are going to kill somebody! STOP TEXTING" she continued to ignore me and just gave me the finger. Nice. You stupid idiot, you are so dangerous and selfish and I hate you so much and there is nothing I can do to stop you!!!
What could I do report her? Nope! I tried and they gave me the same speech about how it had to be happening right then for them to send someone out. I am just so sick of this behavior. Have we become so unconscious that we are driving around in our huge fucking SUVs and texting!! She may as well have been blind folded behind the wheel! Complete disregard for anyone else's safety. I am sick to death of this shit. Please I am begging anyone who reads this, PLEASE don't talk on your phone whlie driving unless its an emergency and Please for the love of all the little children out there, DO NOT text and drive!! There shouldn't even have to be laws about this, because it is just common sense not to do something like this!

Recently, Joe's friends son was killed in a horrible car accident on a major highway in Baltimore, MD. He was 5 years old. His name was Jake. And my friend Beth's aunt was just in a horrible car accident as well and is on life support right now. These two tradegies really hit home for me and they reinforce my deep seated fears about being out on the road. I have been in an accident on the highway and two cars hit us going 60+ miles per hour. My dad saved our lives, but it could have ended very differently. It is a terrifying feeling that I never want to have ever again.  I will be praying every time I get in the car and go anywhere. Especially with my daughter in the car.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Praying for Time

Life is hard enough, you should have to fight for it with all of your might. Sometimes you do. Joe's best friend, Brian was diagnosed with leukemia and decided to get married over the weekend, on Saturday. It was a beautiful way to spend his last day before entering John Hopkins for his treatment. He and his new bride have a very positive outlook and I am so impressed by his courage and strength. After a very scary time in the hosptal during the birth and recovery, I never want to go back to a hospital ever again. I hate it all so much. I am trying to be strong for my husband who I know is so scared and who is hurting to think of what his best friend has to go through. Please say a prayer for us during this very difficult time.

Two songs that I keep thinking of are "Praying for Time" by George Michael and "Hear my Call" by Jill Scott. Two songs that say all the my heart and soul are feeling right now.

Here is a picture of Joe and Brian before the wedding.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day Everyone! I have so much to post about but I need to set aside some time and just talk about the new love of my life, my little girl and my wonderful and amazing husband. I always dreamed one day I would have a family and I am so blessed every day. Thank you, God. Thank you for a healthy, gorgeous little girl. Thank you for a loving, supportive, handsome and funny man.